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Liveblogging “The Bachelor” Finale March 1st 2010

Sweet mother of Vienna Sausages, tonight’s finally “The Bachelor” finale and “After the Final Rose” special! Who will win Jake Pavelka’s eternal affection and possibly an engagement ring? Will it be Sugar (Almost-Virginal Disney Princess Tenley) or Spice (Bank Account Draining Vienna)? Oh c’mon, I think we all know it will be a HUGE shocker if Vienna doesn’t win, so personally, I’m eagerly anticipating HOUR THREE of this insanity fest, when Jake and his two final rose candidates will tell all to Chris Harrison. Are Jake and his pick still together? Is Vienna as big a skank as the tabloids have made her out to be? Will Tenley do an interpretive dance to express her feelings? And will Ali make a surprise appearance? Find out, starting tonight at 8 pm EST — I’m making chili for the event. Having gas just seems sort of appropriate.

That marginal amount of validation is ALL Jake needed. Tenley doesn’t have a pig’s chance in a Vienna Sausage Factory!


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