I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a year and three months now and our relationship is great. He’s intelligent, super nice, treats me with respect, makes me laugh, and is generally just the sweetest person ever. But whenever I dream about him, he’s a completely different person! He does things to deliberately hurt me, treats me badly, and is just a total jerk to me in my dreams. Very rarely do I have positive dreams about him. I’ve been having these dreams since near the beginning of our relationship, and it’s really confusing and frustrating to me because I know that he would never act this way in real life, and I’ve never suspected or feared that the dreams would come true. What’s going on? – Not My Dream Man
I’m really glad to hear that this man is treating you right in real life. That’s what counts the most here. But about these unsettling dreams you’re having about him where he’s a real jerk … there could be a few different interpretations. I’ll throw them out there for you and you can see which one(s) fit.
I think dreams are usually about us and not necessarily about the person we dream about. The male part of the female psyche — the Animus — can often be represented by a male we know. Now, I know you say that this guy treats you well, but how are you treating yourself? Are you treating yourself kindly, being honest with yourself, and fulfilling your own dreams? The Animus represents certain “male” qualities like action, achievement, and conquest. So, these dreams may speak to your own deficiency in these areas and have nothing whatsoever to do with your man.
I don’t know what your relationship history is like, but perhaps men have treated you poorly in the past. If so, it’s possible that these unflattering dreams about your exemplary BF are anxiety dreams. Also, you haven’t said whether you and your guy are thinking about taking things to the next level in your relationship, but it is possible that your unconscious is evaluating the idea of making a long-term commitment to this man and in the process you may be working through some past hurt or fear.
Finally, there is the very slight possibility that there’s something about this guy or your relationship with him that is making you uneasy or uncomfortable. You may not be totally aware of what it is or how to communicate it yet, so the dreams are doing the work for you. It may be something really minor that is magnified in your dreams, something that bothers you or annoys you, or it could be a more fundamental difference that may eventually lead to the end of the relationship. If so, the dreams may be urging you to bring any issues you have with this guy (big or small) to the forefront and talk about them.
Have you had any crazy dreams lately? Dying to know what their hidden meaning is? No need to rush to your therapist’s office. The Dreamweaver is here to help. Email me your funniest, weirdest, wildest, and wackiest dreams and I’ll tell you what’s going on. In the meantime, find out what other common dreams mean by reading my past columns.