Which Winter Olympic Hottie Is Your Type?
Watching the Winter Olympics this week, I can’t stop thinking about how, whatever your type is, there’s a kind of athlete who will float your boat, if you know what I mean. So, should you be macking on a snowboarder? Or a curler? Or an ice dancer? After the jump, I’ve created a handy guide to let you know which winter athletes you should be lusting after. Hey, there’s a reason they call ladies of the slope “ski bunnies.” Because, just like bunnies, they’re down to get action any time. And you need to be too—so go to Canada and get your man!
|If You Like …||Then Find Yourself A …|
|Preppy Guys||Alpine Skier. The traditionalists of the downhill set, they tend to have gone to good colleges and enjoy hot chocolate. They are individualistic, ambitious alpha males in need of a Jackie Kennedy type. Why not you?|
|Bromantic Duos||Bob Sledder. These men’s men are really super tight with their guy friends. Maybe too tight? Good if you’re into group sex or tend to fall for your man’s bestie, but he might ditch you for “boys’ night” more than you’d like and have his friends over to watch sports and play video games. It’s kinda like getting two or four boyfriends for the price of one.|
|Lumberjacks||Cross-Country Skier. These are slightly eccentric men with crazy abs and leg muscles, who are into old-school stuff like building their own log cabins and making butter from scratch. These nature boys are in it for the long haul and know slow and steady wins the race. Plus, they look cute in wooly hats and are good cuddlers.|
|Stay-at-Home Dads||Curler. They’re already prepared to kill it at shuffleboard in their old age and are caring, patient lovers with strong wrists. They excel at keeping the house clean from all those years of sweeping the ice.|
|Girly Men||Figure Skater. They’re perfect if you like effeminate guys who will share their clothes with you. They’re graceful and can probably help you with your hair and makeup as well. They have a tendency to have weird taste in music, but can help you play-out your princess fantasies and lift you up in the air for fun nighttime acrobatics.|
|Frat Boys||Hockey Player. Manly men who look good in sweaters and have superior beard-growing capabilities, these dudes will most likely have violent tendencies and enjoy drinking endless pints of beer. Probably aggressive in the sack, they will throw you around like you weigh nothing.|
|Surfers and/or Stoners||Snowboarder. These guys usually have longish unkempt hair, baggy pants, and questionable facial hair. They have a tendency to yell “Hang ten!” for no apparent reason, but once you get the boy showered, he’ll be laid-back and low drama in a relationship.|
|One-Night Stands||Luger. Risk-taking badass guys who’ll be in-and-out in a jiff, they know how to get things going and keep things running smoothly. Maybe it’s just because luge sounds like lube, but there’s something sexy about a man willing to trust just a thin sled underneath him. Will most likely bail quickly afterward to go on manventures and will never call you again. Sigh.|