Esquire recently posted a little tongue-in-cheek article (at least, we hope it was tongue-in-cheek) about what women really want to hear when they ask certain questions. For example, when we ask, “Do you like what I’m wearing?” the answer we want to hear is not, “Yeah, it’s OK,” but “You look beautiful.” Esquire explains: “A little bit of ambiguity goes a long way. Leave specific criticisms to her friends. She doesn’t love you for your informed opinions on culottes.” In the interest of gender equality, we can play this game, too. After the jump, check out the answers guys really want to seven of their most frequently asked questions.
1. Do you want to try a bite?
“No thanks. It’s your entrée; you ordered it. You enjoy it all! Oh, but please have a bite of mine. It’s delicious!”
2. Do you need any help with the dishes?
“No! You sit and watch the game. I’m happy to cook and wash the dishes. Do you need a beer?”
3. Is this something I have to get dressed up for?
“Oh my God, you look great in whatever you wear! Just put on whatever makes you feel comfortable.”
4. I forget; are we having dinner with your parents this weekend or next weekend?
“Actually, they had to cancel. Do you want to invite your friends over for a poker game instead?”
5. Have you thought at all about what you want to do for your birthday?
“Yeah, I want to have an old-school slumber party with my hottest girlfriends and since you and I live together, I guess you can come, too. But just so you know, we’ll probably sit around in our underwear all night and play drinking games and have drunk pillow fights.”
6. Am I the best/biggest you’ve ever had?
“BY FAR. There’s simply no comparison.”
7. Will you marry me?
“Yes, but only if we can skip the big wedding and just elope … preferably somewhere with cable.”