• Relationships

9 Reasons It’s Better To Get Dumped

A couple months ago, it was ‘tis the season to be jolly. But now, with Valentine’s Day looming, it’s more like ‘tis the season to get dumped. Couples are breaking up left and right. January is the #1 month for filing for divorce, and then in February, we all get attacked by heart-shaped candy boxes. Sure, the seductive holiday marketing might make you feel like being recently single is a double burn. But being alone on V-Day is better than being with someone who doesn’t think you’re as awesome as you are. And let me tell you, hot stuff, getting dumped is truly a win-win situation. Sure, most people think the dumper has it easy, but they’ve got it all wrong! In actuality the dumper has to be the bad guy, because they can’t admit to feeling sad since it’s their fault and they have to agonize over their decision, plan it out, and bear the brunt of the guilt. Yikes! As if those weren’t enough, here are nine more reasons it’s better to be the dumpee.

  1. Speechless: You don’t have to explain yourself. They have to do all the talking about their feelings. You can opt to look at them like they’re flattering themselves.
  2. No More Mr. Nice Guy: You have every right to get mad, sad, and bitch-tastic. Heck, you can even walk out on the check!
  3. Free Schwag: Your ex may have left a bad taste in your mouth, but your friends will buy you drinks, chocolate, and ice cream to cheer you up.
  4. No Settling: You’re finally free to find someone who will actually appreciate you, rather than being stuck in a one-sided relationship.
  5. No Doubt: You know exactly how they feel about you and where you stand, perhaps for the first time in the relationship. And do you really want to keep wasting your time on something that isn’t working?
  6. Retail Therapy: Especially now that you don’t have to buy your ex a V-day gift, you can buy yourself something pretty, guilt-free! You earned a shopping spree to take your mind off things. While you’re at the mall, pick up some sexy panties for your hot rebound!
  7. Support Group: You get the sympathy. So, testify! And for the record, Ben & Jerry will always be there for you in your time of need.
  8. Bounce Back: You get to have carefree, wild nights out on the town. If you never had dated someone, you wouldn’t have the motivation to really let loose.
  9. Second Helping: There’s a good chance you’ll get to enjoy watching them crawl back to you, eventually. They always come back for more, don’t they? And then you’ll finally get to reject them — and that’s twice as sweet.
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