Trailer Park: “Dear John,” “From Paris, With Love,” “Frozen”

It’s the first weekend of February, and Punxsutawney Phil totally saw his shadow again, which means we’ve got another six weeks of winter on our hands. Unless, like the National Climatic Data Center, you believe Groundhog Day is hogwash. (The party poopers say Phil’s accuracy is 39 percent). Either way, it’s cold as hell out there and it might be best to hibernate for the remainder of the season. My recipe for hibernation includes lots of soup, 24/7 robe time, and movies. This week’s releases include tearjerker chick-flick “Dear John,” adventure blowing-stuff-up movie “From Paris With Love,” and an almost-funny horror flick, “Frozen.”

The Movie: “Dear John”
The Trailer: A stoic soldier named John (Channing Tatum) falls in love with a student named Savannah (Amanda Seyfried) while he’s home in South Carolina on a two-week leave and she’s home from college for the summer. They return to their lives and write letters, wait for letters, and read letters from each other. Then 9/11 happens and John gets shot and returns home and then some tear-jerkery happens.
The Hitch: I’m a total sucker for romantic chick-flicks and could watch “The Notebook” once a year for the rest of my life. But every time I see Channing Tatum’s name, I think he’s Stockard Channing or Tatum O’Neal, and get confused when he is a man. Amanda Seyfried is really fun to watch and even though the world keeps trying to convince me otherwise, I would like to believe that people fall in love. Though I have a feeling at least one person will die in this movie, I’ve got my Kleenex and I’m ready to take that risk.

The Movie: “From Paris with Love”
The Trailer: Charlie Wax (John Travolta) is a lowbrow American rogue spy who tends to just blow things and people up. An ambassador’s assistant (Jonathan Rhys Meyers) is sent to help him trail a terrorist while lugging around a vase full of cocaine. The adventure involves lots of explosions and some car chase bazooka handling.
The Hitch: Doesn’t “From Paris With Love” sound like it should be the name of Paris’ porno sequel? Watching people get killed and cars blow up doesn’t really do anything for me. And though I loved Rhys Meyers in “Velvet Goldmine,” something tells me there will be no homoerotic glam rock in this shoot-‘em-up flick. Travolta does make a “Pulp Fiction” reference to the Royale with cheese, which, coincidentally, my dad named way back in the day, so that’s cool. But since I don’t have a boyfriend dragging me to action flicks against my will … or any other type of boyfriend … I’ll probably skip this one.

The Movie: “Frozen”
The Trailer: Three snowboarders are enjoying the slopes and the fact that they didn’t pay for lift passes. During the last ride up, the ski patrol shuts the slope down and they get left on the chair lift for a week … with no way down. Frostbite and hypothermia take over and as they try to find ways off the mountain before freezing to death, and, of course, all sorts of gruesome things happen.
The Hitch: I really enjoyed the quote that flashed on the screen during the trailer, “Will do for skiing what ‘Jaws’ did for swimming.” I can’t imagine there will be many people clamoring to see some hooligans freeze to death on a ski lift. I’m afraid that the trailer made me laugh more than it made me fear winter sports. I hope this isn’t the future of movies; it seems like a “Saw” franchise-type movie. Oh, you think it’s cool to steal lift tickets? Now you will freeze to death! Muahahaha. Seriously?