20 Things No One Wants To Hear On Valentine’s Day

Hey, have you heard? Valentine’s Day is coming up! On top of worrying about what to give your date — if indeed you have one — there’s also anxiety about saying the wrong thing. What if you let the “L-word” slip and it’s only your second date? What if you get so caught up in the excitement, you accidentally call him by the wrong name? After the jump, 20 other things that are bound to be real mood-busters if you or your date say them.

  1. I thought you liked it when I touched you there.
  2. I made reservations at the Olive Garden!
  3. I couldn’t find lingerie big enough for you, so I got you some sweats.
  4. My mom invited us to her place for dinner!
  5. We need to talk.
  6. I picked this place because it was my ex’s favorite.
  7. It’s not you; it’s me.
  8. It’s sugar-free chocolate since you need to lose weight!
  9. Let’s go back to my place and look at my Little League trophies.
  10. I had a dream last night that you were my dad.
  11. They’re edible and pistachio-flavored!
  12. I don’t think it’s contagious.
  13. My ex got me the same thing last year!
  14. Let’s just be friends.
  15. They didn’t have anymore flowers, so here’s a coupon for a free oil change.
  16. But I’m allergic to sex.
  17. This massage oil is peanut butter-scented!
  18. Are you sure today’s our anniversary?
  19. Why did you do that to your hair?!
  20. Wanna see my new tattoo of Bea Arthur?