My whole dating strategy the past few years has been to act like a kid in a penny candy store. I’ve been bagging any man who looks tasty, just getting a couple bites, then moving on to the next flavor. They’ve all been sweet, but, frankly, I’m starting to get a toothache. Now that I’ve really seen what’s out there on the market, I’ve been able to narrow down the ones I have no chance of ever finding, wooing, or making it work with. Here’s who I’ve got so far …
- Male model
- Billionaire
- Bounty hunter (I’m a good girl, I swear)
- Stand-up comedian who is actually funny
- Guy who uses all those little sauce packets that come with Chinese take-out so I don’t have to feel guilty about always throwing them out
- An explorer
- Sexy snowboarder named Shaun White
- Actually, any pro athlete for that matter
- Newspaper man
- Magician whose appeal isn’t an illusion
- Lumberjack — and not just a guy with a beard and a plaid shirt
- Dancer
- Surfer
- Fancy shoe maker
- Juicehead guido who wouldn’t fist-bump at our wedding
- Dude who does not like to do it with the light on
- Reality show “winner”
- Astronaut Mike Dexter
- Rock star who doesn’t cheat
- Bartender, whilst he’s sober
- Plastic surgeon
- Politician (I’ve got some photos on the internet that explain why … )
- Man who does not want to have anal sex
