While some women hate how facial hair chafes their chin, others find the grizzly mountain man look super sexy. I’m definitely in the latter category. Outside of soul patches (which I think are stoopid), facial hair can add character to a man’s face or cover up an otherwise weird-looking upper lip or chin. It can also make a really good-looking man even better looking. This is arguably the case with the newly bearded men of Hollywood: Jon Hamm, Brad Pitt, and George Clooney. This is why we’ve decided to take on the impossibly huge task of deciding which hunk should be shunned, shagged, or married.
- SHUN: George Clooney
I love George Clooney just as much as the next girl — he’s a charming bad boy who cleans up beautifully and looks damn good with a beard. But as far as relationships go, Clooney is a serial playboy. Sure, he was married from 1989-93 to Talia Balsam, but even though he’s dating Elisabetta Canalis now, she shouldn’t expect a ring any time soon. He once said, “I am always working and have so many different interests outside acting. If I was my girlfriend, I wouldn’t put up with me for very long—and they don’t either. People are always trying to marry me off, thinking I am suffering in some way. I tried marriage—and it didn’t work. I have had long relationships with women and they get bored with me working all the time. My fear is that I would still make a lousy husband and I don’t want to put myself—or anyone else—through the pain of finding out.” So even though he’s a great guy, talented actor, is helping out in Haiti, and will always be a handsome devil, I’m afraid I must advocate keeping Clooney far away from your vagina. Wow. That was really hard. [National Ledger]
- SHAG: Brad Pitt
Even though I will forever be on Team Jen, she had the right idea when she hooked up with Brad. He’s gorgeous, he’s super great with kids, extremely talented and he has a charity for building homes in New Orleans. I don’t know if it’s too much to ask that the shagging take place à la “Fight Club,” with Brad as Tyler Durden, but his body was particularly crush-worthy at that point. Brad isn’t marriage material now, because we all know how that one worked out. Angelina Jolie has been with Brad for five years, just shagging and living blissfully “in sin” with their brood of kiddies. It’s not such a bad life. And while Brad hasn’t totally written off marriage, he said that he would marry Angelina “when everyone else in the country who wants to be married is legally able.” Which is maybe a nice way of saying he screwed up his last marriage and doesn’t want to go through that mess again? Oh, and in case it needs to be said, Brad’s beaded gray beard is kinda questionable and having seen it in person, I advocate clean-shaven or 5-o’-clock-shadow Brad. [USA Today]
- MARRY: Jon Hamm
Maybe it’s just because Jon Hamm is totally huge right now and he’s so hawt on “Mad Men,” but it also helps that Jon hasn’t made any ultimatums about marriage and has never failed at it in the past. He’s been with Jennifer Westfeldt (who starred in and co-wrote “Kissing Jessica Stein”) since 1997 and said of their relationship, “We may not have a piece of paper that says we’re husband and wife, but after 10 years, Jennifer is more than just a girlfriend. What we have is much deeper and we both know that. To me, people [should] get married when they’re ready to have kids, which I’m not ruling out.” He’s not a notorious playboy, he’s not a cheater and I very much look forward to the future DILF Jon Hamm! As for now, we’ll have to be satisfied with his grungy beard look and be equally happy that he’ll still be all dolled-up and clean-cut on the small screen as the swoon-worthy Don Draper! [NY Post]