By now you may have read about the outrageously delish sartorial demands sorority girls rushing Pi Phi at Cornell must contend with. In a world where LiLo-style jeggings are fully wrong, but Audrey Hepburn staple capri pants are not, we don’t wanna be right. We too have gotten our hands on this astounding tome. But the devil is truly in the details. Let’s take a look at the section called, “HAIR, MAKEUP & HANDS,” with the subtitle: “MY FAVORITE. These are life lessons so read carefully.”
Oh, in that case, we’re just gonna let the document speak for itself.
- “Face: Your skin is your base. Your face is your starting point—If your skin doesn’t look good, nothing else will. Always remember that. So unless you are Chloe Hall or Carolyn Franco, chances are you need to do something about your skin. I preferably like Tinted Moisturizer.” Specific instructions include saying yes to blush (not optional!) and waxed brows, and passing on caked on makeup. Shrewd indeed.
- “Notes: You are young, so make yourself look like it. Fresh, pretty, feminine, cool = these are the code words. You don’t need to pile on the makeup, but you need to look like someone they’d die to hang out with.” Like the girls in “Heathers!” Or those chicks Chloe Hall and Carolyn Franco.
- Additionally, here are some sage words of wisdom when it comes to lipstick: “Lips: Another thing I’m weird about. You need to have color on your life. Otherwise you will look like ghost. Yes you will.” Good to know. Do we even need to tell you that mustaches are on the out list?
- When it comes to hair, “Chic, high ponytails” are a sorority girl Do! “Sloppy buns/ponytails” are not, so don’t even try it. And when it comes to your disgusting schoolgirl nails, “you best have a mani pedi when you get to Ithaca.” I’m sorry, did you not understand? She’ll say it again: “Get waxed, cut, colored and groomed!!!! Mani and pedi prior to Ithaca!!!!” Eight exclamations mean business people.
- Lastly, the use of deodorant is highly encouraged. And don’t forget those code words!