30 Signs He Might Be A Secret Egomaniac

We’ve already armed you with a checklist of traits that might indicate that your boyfriend is a loser or majorly annoying, but what about that oh-so-common creature, The Egomaniac? Here are 30 signs you might be dating the ultimate narcissist in disguise.

  1. He can’t take an innocent joke at his expense.
  2. He works in advertising, has an M.D., or is the lead singer and/or most good-looking member of a band.
  3. He tells you about the assorted girls who hit on him. Or worse, the ones who looked at him and thus OBVIOUSLY wanted to hit on him.
  4. He gives you a verbal resume on a first date. Even if it sounds impressive, run.
  5. He begins 75 percent of sentences with I.
  6. He gets irritable when you IM while he’s busy at work, but doesn’t think twice about bugging your ass all day long when things are “slow” for him.
  7. He tells you about the extreme minutiae of his day as if it’s fascinating.
  8. He complains about how uncomfortable he is because it’s hot/cold/crowded, when clearly everyone in the situation is uncomfortable.
  9. He’s an advocate of unprotected sex because his penis is “too big” for condoms and/or he knows how to pull out with 100 percent accuracy.
  10. He likes to talk about how successful he intends to be in the future, insisting that money won’t be an issue despite the fact that he has four roommates and no career to speak of.
  11. He has a verbal tick which requires him to preface everything with “I feel like …”
  12. He zones out when you’re talking to him because he can’t be bothered to focus on anything outside himself for more than 30 seconds at a time.
  13. He couches every apology for wrongdoing in a subtle justification or excuse for his behavior. Ex: “I’m sorry I walked out on you in the middle of that movie the other night. I was really frustrated and upset. I just couldn’t sit through it.”
  14. He fixates on how he’s perceived by your friends and family, whether they like him, what they say about him, what they think of him.
  15. He obsesses over decisions related to his appearance, like how many centimeters to take off at his next haircut.
  16. He makes someone else record his voicemail message, so it seems he’s more important than he is.
  17. He’s obsessed with making his XBox avatar look exactly like him.
  18. He updates his Facebook status more than once a day.
  19. He refers to everyone as “lil’ bitch.”
  20. He refers to himself in the third person.
  21. He really doesn’t think waiting for a table at a restaurant is something someone like him should have to do.
  22. He really wants to be famous. For something. He’s just not sure what. But something.
  23. He brags about how much money he makes, or even worse, will make someday if he stays on his career track.
  24. He’s determined to please you in bed, but mainly because he doesn’t want to ruin his record of “always making a girl come.”
  25. If you make suggestions about how he could be better in bed, he twists around the problem to be your fault — you’re too uptight, not relaxed enough; you must not like sex; you must have intimacy issues, etc.
  26. He is concerned about how your funky outfit/makeup/etc. will reflect on him in front of his more conservative friends or parents.
  27. He fishes for info on how much money your ex boyfriends made.
  28. He talks about himself in superlatives, like “I’m the smartest guy you’ll ever date” or “My boss says I’m the best employee he’s ever had in his whole life.”
  29. He asks you, point blank, if he’s the best you’ve ever slept with.
  30. He’s too busy to help you move but still wants you to come watch his poetry slam.
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