Coming Soon: “Dear John,” More Emotional Pornography From Nicholas Sparks

Every single time I see the trailer for “Dear John,” a new tearjerker based on the book by Nicholas Sparks, two things happen. My chest starts to ache and my brain wallows, “I wish this movie was starring Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams!” Actually, the film stars Amanda Seyfried, whose coolness you probably recognize from “Big Love,” “Mamma Mia!” and “Jennifer’s Body,” and Channing Tatum, a hot piece of ass (with a burnt d**k). The story is about a young couple that falls in love just before he ships off to war and they keep their relationship alive via letters. It looks cheesy and heart-wrenching, if it’s even possible to be both at once, and I cannot wait to see it when it opens on Feb. 5 and have my emotions messed with. After all, Sparks’ novels all have sad, depressing endings and while I haven’t read this one (or any of them, I just see the movie versions), I expect it will be tragic too. But don’t spoil it for me, OK?

Tags: dear john, movies