Dear Wendy: “My Girlfriend Found Crazy Porn On My Computer”

Last night while watching a movie with my girlfriend, she found some porn websites in my computer’s history. The sites were really crazy and I was embarrassed by them. Now I feel ashamed that she saw them. Does she think of me any differently? PS: I am a guy… — Embarrassed

It’s impossible for me to answer this, Embarrassed, as I don’t know what your girlfriend thought of you before she went snooping through your computer, nor do I know what she thinks of you now. Actually, the bigger question here is: Why was your girlfriend looking through your computer history when the two of you were watching a movie together? Was the movie that boring? Had she seen it before? Did you pick out something without asking her first if she was into it? Perhaps if you had given the title of the film you were watching, I’d be better able to answer your question.

In all seriousness here, she probably suspected you were looking at crazy porn and wanted to investigate. Whether having her suspicions confirmed excited her or frightened her, only she can say. So why don’t you just ask her? Say: “Hey, I know that porn you found on my computer must have seemed pretty crazy and I’m a little embarrassed by it. You don’t think any less of me, do you?” The important thing is not to lie to her if she asks any questions about it or requests you stop looking at it. Basically, don’t make any promises you can’t or don’t intend to keep. If this is a dealbreaker for your gf, better you find out now before you invest any more time in the relationship.

I am dating a man who I have lived with for the past six months. Before I moved in with him he was amazing. He really made an effort to show he was interested and cared for me. Everything changed when we moved in together. He became overly critical and negative. He points out every mistake I make and is often passive aggressive in the way he does it. I have decided to move back out in an attempt to save the relationship. This is only worthwhile because when he is being nice I am in heaven with him. I have some trust issues after he sent illicit text messages to his ex wife. I am moving to another city to go back to school and get a fresh start, but the distance makes me worry he may stray. We both expressed a genuine interest in working on ourselves and our relationship while we live apart, and planned on continuing to date. My problem is I am driving myself crazy second guessing myself that this relationship is worth saving. I have a bad habit of expecting the worst and bailing to try and save myself the pain. I can’t tell if this is my gut instinct or my fear of being let down telling me to run. Should I stay or should I go? — Tired of the Drama

Asking whether you should stay or go is kind of a moot point, isn’t it? You’ve already decided to leave him and move to another city for a “fresh start.” Lie to yourself all you want, but putting serious distance — both literal and metaphorical — between you and your boyfriend is not showing a “genuine interest in working on the relationship.” You aren’t moving out in “an attempt to save the relationship,” you’re moving out in an attempt to save yourself. And who can blame you? What kind of future can you have with someone you’ve already determined you don’t live well with? What kind of future can you have with a man you don’t trust — a man who sends illicit texts to his ex-wife under your nose? What kind of happy relationship can you expect with a man who points out your every mistake? This isn’t about whether you should stay or go — it’s about how fast you should run, and my answer is: as fast as you can!

*Do you have a relationship/dating question I can help with? Send me your letters at dearwendy@thefrisky.com.

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