If you thought the Waxed Off To Look Like A Prepubescent look was the least appealing way to “make over” your vagina … well, honey, you ain’t seen nothing yet! There are oh-so-many ways to shame a woman for not having a “perfect” vagina: dyes, douches, colorants, even vagina mints!
Let’s take a journey across the internet and examine all the ways you can “solve” your vaginal “problems,” shall we?
If your vagina actually tastes like like a vagina:
Ladies, does your vagina taste too natural? Do you ever wish your vagina smelled just a little mintier? Insert Linger Internal Feminine Flavoring inside your lady parts and let it dissolve slowly to freshen up that vadgey taste! (And if that doesn’t work, you could always try finding a dude who doesn’t need your “intimate floods” to taste like Doublemint gum before he’ll go down on you.) [Love To Linger via Feministing]
If your vagina is flesh-colored:
Pity the woman whose vagina does not, at all times, look as aroused and flushed with blood as an actress in a porno. These unfortunate women can paint their lady parts with My New Pink Button, a “genital cosmetic colorant.” Pink Button’s website claims their vagina dye is a “solution” to that “common problem” of having a flesh-colored labia. [My New Pink Button]
If your vagina could use some “deoderant”:
We know how to “solve” the “problem” when your vagina tastes like a vagina. But what do you do if your vagina smells like a vagina? Check out this Feminine Deodorant Film, which has thought up a very fancy and clever way to obscure the word “douche.” Don’t fret about those natural smells—with just a little “deodorant,” your lady flower will smell like baby powder, fresh flowers, chamomile or island breeze. [Feminine Deodorant Film via Feministing]
If you’re planning to do open heart surgery on your vagina:
I know what frustrates me the most about having a vagina: It’s so hard to keep the dang thing sterile. Good thing we can order this Disinfectant Vaginal Douche from some shady-looking place in China that promises to “sterilize vagina.” At last, I’ll finally be able to store food in there. [AliBaba.com]
Original by: Jessica Wakeman
