“Jersey Shore” Has Ruined Hot Tubs For Me Forever

Want to get worked up in a lather over “Jersey Shore“? Take your pick of things to complain about. The words “guido” and “guidette” are offensive! Snooki got punched in the face by a drunk man at a bar! Nearly all the men on the show are sexist skeezebags who objectify women!

None of these are the complaints I have for the show. I, personally, am shocked, dismayed and offended that “Jersey Shore” has ruined hot tubs for me forever. The hot tub on the roof of the gang’s Seaside Heights beach rental is where a good bit of the show’s drama takes place. On the very first night, Snooki drank too much, climbed in the hot tub, and acted a hormonal fool. A few nights later, Angelina had a s**t fit when Pauly D and The Situation brought strange girls home who just wore their panties in the jacuzzi. But ever since Angelina left the show, these man whores are free to bring random women back home to feel each other up—and more!—in the hot tub together.

It’s. So. Disgusting. Swap intimate fluids, I don’t care, but do it in your own friggin’ bed. Not in communal property!

I didn’t used to feel this way about hot tubs: My friend Ashley’s mom had a hot tub on her deck and we used to go in all the time. But after religiously watching “Jersey Shore,” I see how some nasty people treat hot tubs like their own personal luuurv den. I know the water in jacuzzis is really hot; I think it might even be chlorinated. The water can probably kill, or at least de-grossify, semen, mucous or sweat. But it’s hard not to be OCD about germs when you have no idea whether some skeeze like The Situation just blew his load in it.

Hey, MTV? You can keep your guidos. You can keep your Snooki-punch. But please have mercy on our eyeballs.