Tabloid Cheat Sheet: Angelina Attacks? Kate Gosselin Gets Extentions?

Now that the holidays are over, we’re expected to actually work on our New Year’s resolutions. Whatever they may be, the tabloids are here to help. Oh, you wanted to lose weight? Here are a bunch of celebrities in bikinis making you feel like a slob! Want to spend less time gossiping about people? Well, don’t worry; it’s perfectly innocent to read gossip about people, instead. And in case you wanted to save some money this year, we’ll save you $21.02 in weekly tabloid costs by hand-picking the most interesting stories, just for you!

  • OK! Magazine started off the holiday weight-gain guilt train by showing us how Kim Kardashian lost 15 pounds. Again. Thanks to QuickTrim, the diet supplement she endorses. It also talked about Khloe and Kourtney’s plans, along with several other celebs, but since no new tips were actually revealed, it’s safe to stick with Kim. Unsurprisingly, her diet plan consists of egg whites, fruits and veggies, salad, and grilled salmon with brown rice. And she works out an hour a day. Boooring. I’m not sure who isn’t in on this big secret.
  • Even though there hasn’t really been mention of Bradley Cooper and Renee Zellweger’s relationship in months, apparently the couple might be planning a low-key wedding in 2010. According to a source, “While it’s not an official engagement, it’s the next best thing. The relationship keeps improving. They are aiming to keep the guest list below 100 with only a few celebs.” On a totally unrelated note, remember when Cooper had a gay marriage in “Wet Hot American Summer”? That was way more exciting.
  • Britney Spears and boyfriend/manager Jason Trawick might be donezo. The couple was supposed to spend the holiday together, but Britney and her mom checked into the Mondrian hotel in L.A. on the 28th. (Britney emerged with jet black hair). Apparently, Brit is pissed that her dad still holds conservatorship over her, even though Jason was supposed to be helping her get back on her feet and Britney resents him for controlling of her life. The couple is also jealous of each other’s business associates of the opposite sex and decided it was best to take a break. [OK!]

  • Us Weekly caught up with what Tiger and Elin Woods are hiding. Or more literally, where they are hiding. Tiger is allegedly hiding out in Jim Dolan’s (CEO of Cablevision and owner of the Knicks) Long Island estate while Elin was at a French chalet with her kids and twin sister. Also, a source says that Tiger flew to Phoenix to get plastic surgery and dentistry after the couple’s spar on Thanksgiving—he supposedly had two upper teeth knocked out and a bone on his face broken. Sounds like Elin’s pretty competent with a gold club too?
  • In other not-so-fun marriage abuse news, Charlie Sheen and his wife Brooke are trying to reconcile after Sheen was arrested for allegedly holding a switchblade to her throat early Christmas morning. According to a source, Denise Richards isn’t exactly sympathetic, but is “a little satisfied people see how scary Charlie can be.” Apparently, Charlie and Brooke both have a past of cocaine use and legal woes, but Brooke is willing to look past the argument. According to a source, “She has said Charlie is the best thing that has ever happened to her.”
  • It’s nice when the parenting isn’t left entirely to mothers, and Matthew Broderick was happy to talk about his kids with Sarah Jessica Parker. Of his favorite part of fatherhood, Broderick said, “It’s nice to see how happy they seem when I get home.” But he laments that there are only so many years to spend time with his son because, “one day he’ll disappear in front of a computer and you’ll never see him again!” Ain’t that the truth. [Us Weekly]

  • It must be super fun to work at tabloids where you can Photoshop a picture of one angry person with another bleeding person and call it war. So, apparently Angelina Jolie attacked Brad Pitt when he admitted that he still talked to Jennifer Aniston. According to a source, “Jen is the one woman in the world Angie still feels insecure about.” After a physical fight, the couple controlled themselves, but continued arguing into the next day. On a recent New York trip, Angie appeared to have a bloody hand and The National Enquirer insinuated that Brad had a bloody nose. They casually mentioned the bloody hand might be from “Salt” and the bloody nose is indeed from “Burn After Reading,” and not at all related to the most recent fight.
  • It’s still hard to believe that Brittany Murphy died. Of course the tabloids have plenty to say about the state of her estate. Apparently, Brittany owed more money than her $4 million home was worth and her mother and ex-husband, Simon Monjack, are fighting over whether to sell everything. Brittany supported both her mother and Simon and in her will (which was drafted before her marriage), she left everything to her mother. She, of course, just wants to mourn her daughter’s death while Simon is pushing to sell all of Brittany’s possessions.
  • In a major gross-out, Morgan Freeman and his step-granddaughter are planning on starting a family, despite the fact that Freeman is 72 years old and, um, helped raise the 27-year-old E’Dena. According to a close source, “E’Dena wants Morgan’s baby, she believes that will give her a final hold on Morgan and, after his divorce with Myrna is over, she will end up marrying him.” The Enquirer alluded to the fact that E’Dena holds some power over Freeman because “it would be disastrous if E’Dena blew up and went public with everything she knows.” I’m still confused on how this relationship is legal? [The National Enquirer]

  • Shocker of the week, Kate Gosselin no longer rocks her signature duck butt look, thanks to hair extensions! Or as People so poetically put it, “New Year, New Kate.” The Gosselin divorce was finalized on Dec. 18, and while deciding whether to change her name, Kate said, “I got it. It’s hyphenated. I am now Kate Clean-Slate.” On the day of the divorce proceedings, Kate was surprised by her friend’s reactions. “I got phone calls from my friends congratulating me,” she said. “But I felt like, ‘You’re congratulating me on a failed marriage?’ I knew what they were getting at… but it was a rough day.” Kate admits she’s just happy to not be part of her ex-husband’s drama at this point.
  • Because we can’t get enough of it, People did a photo shoot with the cast of “Jersey Shore,” and, I’ve gotta admit, they’re looking pretty good. You’ll be excited to hear that J-Woww is thinking about launching a line of “club-ready clothes.” She says, “Everything I wore on the show, I made. The ripped jeans and everything—it’s my style.” Meanwhile, Snooki is surprised by the show’s popularity and says when she recently met Ashton Kutcher, “He was so hot, I kept staring at him. But he was more starstruck to meet us!”
  • People has a knack for bringing back celebrities you’d almost forgotten about. This week they profiled Shania Twain who recently carried the Olympic torch in from Ontario to Vancouver and was overjoyed, despite the 33-below-zero temperature. Shania has grown close to Swiss businessman Frederic Thiebaud, whose wife had an affair with Shania’s husband Robert “Mutt” Lange, breaking up their marriage. Along with the blossoming love, Shania is also a guest-judge on next season’s “American Idol.” [People]

  • Meg Ryan is on Skeletor watch after dropping to a scary 110 pounds—25 less than she weighed two years ago. An insider says that she exercises for two hours a day and picks at her food. Star suggested that her failing career and lack of a man are to blame, because they’re mean and sexist. But, to be fair, Ryan’s last movie was “Serious Moonlight,” about a woman who duct-tapes her husband to a toilet when she suspects he’s cheating on her. Meg broke up with director Graham King (“The Departed”) this fall and according to an insider, her 4-year-old daughter, Daisy, is the only thing keeping her going.
  • While reading Star, I got a deja vu over an article titled “Don’t Dis My Sis,” which was suspiciously like our post “Ashlee Simpson And 5 Other Celebs Who Stand Up For Their Sibs.” It used the exact same examples, but also included Lindsay and Ali Lohan standing up for each other’s alleged plastic surgery and erratic ways, as well as Solange Knowles standing up for big sister Beyonce when she dissed the Jacksons. Not that I’m saying they read the Frisky, but seriously.
  • Apparently, Brad Pitt’s family staged an intervention over the holidays, saying, “Leave Angie!” Brad confided in his brother Doug that he and Angie were fighting a lot and according to a source, his family felt that, “he’s drinking too much and not eating and sleeping enough.” Brad’s family was planning on spending Christmas with Angelina and the kids in New Orleans but at the last minute, she had to film some re-shoots for “Salt” and forced the brood to stay in New York. According to the source, “All they want is to see Brad happy—and it’s becoming clear that Angie makes him miserable.” Doug allegedly told Brad, “If the relationship continues like this, he should leave her.” The article was accompanied by some angry-looking photos of Angie in a fur hat and gray cape, looking a little it like Cruella De Vil. [Star]