I woke up this morning, looked in the mirror and couldn’t help but dispiritedly think: “If only I could throw a really dark fake tan, some rhinestones and a pouf on this situation. Maybe then I would be happy …” OK, not really. But I did come across yet another picture of Snooki and finally realized and even appreciated the effort that goes into looking like that all the time. And when it comes to such dedication, attention must be paid. How it has taken us this long is unclear, but what matters most is that you now will finally have a definitive guide to
looking hideous all the time “Jersey Shore” style.
- Obviously you’ve already done your major tanning on the beach and at the tanning salon. But what if you need a touch-up on the go? Tan towels, that’s what. [$25.20, Amazon]
- Your heels should be uber-high platforms. Bonus points if they’re metallic. Triple points if there’s also lucite involved and a stripper may currently be wearing them too. [$58, Pleaser, Endless.com]
- Super-hold hairspray is your pouf’s weapon of choice. Buy it in multi-packs. [$25/2 pack, Enjoy, Amazon]
- If you can breathe normally in your tight, sparkly mini-dress, you’re doing something wrong. [$30, Forever 21]