I admire Cosmopolitan‘s determination. I do. Each and every month they try and find brand-new ways to pleasure your man — and while they do manage to come up with some sexual innovations, most of them are nothing new. And those that are? Well, they’re typically spectacularly bad or bizarre. Remember when they suggested tying back your hair with your thong before giving him a blowie? Or when they tried to make grape handjobs happen?
In the February issue, Cosmo has 99 quick and easy ways to spice up things in the sack and, I admit, a few impressed me. Like #54: “During missionary sex, place your feet on his chest with your legs crossed to create an extra snug grip.” I am going to try this and will report back. But, as usual, many of the tips were just plain WTF. After the jump, 10 sex tips from Cosmo that are so silly, I suggest you ignore them.
- (#5) While he’s kissing you, suck on his tongue seductively, imitating what you do to his penis.
- (#9) Ask him over for dessert. Lie naked with a few pieces of chocolate on you that he can nibble off.
- (#24) Stay silent until you’re about to orgasm … then let yourself go. Your animalistic noises will drive him wild.
- (#50) Place one hand at the base of his shaft, and twist the tip with the other—like you’re opening a jar.
- (#55) Lightly wrap a cheap beaded necklace around his package, and then move it back and forth.
- (#57) Hold some sparkling water in your mouth while giving him oral. The bubbles plus warmth will make him quiver.
- (#69) Keep on a blingy necklace during sex. It’ll draw extra attention to your girls.
- (#72) Have him place a finger inside you, and put one of yours in too. Doing it together feels totally erotic.
- (#73) Wear a leather belt around your naked waist during doggie-style. He can pull on it to create more bounce.
- (#88) Hop in the shower with him while wearing nothing but a white tee.
#70 Before he becomes hard (and gets too big), take his whole penis in your mouth. [This one just grossed me out, as I do not like the feelings of a flacid ween in my mouth, but to each their own. -- Editor]