Didn’t get what you wanted this holiday season? Well, Porn Valley sex toy expert — that’s gotta be an even better job than a hand one — Adena Connolly is here to help you pick out the perfect gift that keeps on giving! Hey, after all those presents you bought everyone else, you should really do something nice for yourself. Here are the eight best sex toys you’ve just gotta test out.After you’ve sold tens of thousands of sex toys, you can separate the men from the boys, I mean, the fakers from the real f**kers. This is what Miss Adena recommends when it comes to coming:
- Slimline G (Topco): A quality G-Spot toy is nearly as illusive as the G Spot itself, as most aren’t curved enough and lack a proportional vibrating surface. This is the only G-Spot toy I will ever conceivably spend money on. I’ve been through two of these guys.
- Doggy-Style Strap Sportsheets: The doggystyle strap is a harness that wraps around your waist to prop up your torso while you’re getting done from behind. As if the style Snoop Dogg likes best could get any more rockin’, this device takes strain off your arms and puts a vibe at your clit — that’s a bonus for both of you!
- iVibe Rabbit (Doc Johnson): The Rabbit is boring to me. It got famous through “Sex and the City” and now everyone’s buying dildos named after rodents. I recommend the Doc Johnson iVibe Rabbit just because most girls don’t even know what a rabbit or dual stimulator is and will buy a completely different product named “The Rabbit.” The iVibe Rabbit is THE Rabbit. And you’ll be doing this thing like one.
- Celebrator: Its name is no misnomer; this toy is about as intense of a clitoral party that one can throw. This toy turns your electric toothbrush into one crazy-ass pants off fiesta!
- Accommodator: Chin-strap + Dildo = Awesome. Makes oral twice as magical.
- Tenga: The Tenga is the latest in crazy things to stick a penis in, straight from some bonerfied geniuses in Japan. It’s a pre-lubed penis stroker, so you just pull off a seal and bang it. The encasing is soft so you can adjust the pressure by how hard you squeeze it. Lastly, it’s disposable, so once you’ve deposited your bitter-sweet memories, throw it away. The shame of masturbating is thwarted, once more!
- Golden Lelo: This vibrator is made of solid gold. Honestly, I don’t care if it does anything, it’s made of solid gold. I would feel like the most successful person in the world masturbating with this.
- Anything Glass: Glass is orgasmic and not scary, even if it sounds breakable, glass vibrators really aren’t! Most glass toys are actually Pyrex, surgical quality glass that thermometers are made of. And glass is receptive to temperature so you can heat/chill it, plus it’s totes easy to clean if you wanna share. Lastly, glass is about the hardest thing you can rub inside of your vagina and, needless to say, I am down with that.
Hi, I’m Dr. V. I’m not a real doctor; I just play one on the internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily led me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked-out. And please, if you have a question, email me. You know I love to read your smut too!