Trailer Park: “Nine,” “It’s Complicated,” “Sherlock Holmes,” “The Imaginarium Of Doctor Parnassus”

It’s Christmas Day, which isn’t just a huge movie day for non-Christians, it’s also where Santa-loving folk go to distract themselves from the postpartum present depression. Thankfully, on such an occasion where everyone will need somewhere to go after gifts and/or Chinese food, there are four amazing-looking movies coming out this week, “Nine,” “It’s Complicated,” “Sherlock Holmes,” and a limited release of “The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus.” So put on your matching sweaters, hide a thermos of cocoa and peppermint schnapps in your bag, and go see a movie. Happy Holidays!

The Movie: “Nine”
The Trailer: Rob Marshall’s ode to the 1982 Broadway show, which was an adaptation of Federico Fellini’s art flick “8 1/2,” “Nine” tells the story of film director Guido (Daniel Day-Lewis) who’s working on his ninth movie but suffers from writer’s block and a mid-life crisis. Then there are the women that love him, his wife (Marion Cotillard), crazy sexpot mistress (Penélope Cruz), his glamorous leading lady (Nicole Kidman), therapeutic costume designer (Judi Dench), mother (Sophia Loren), a Vogue reporter (Kate Hudson), and a spirit (Fergie). The story is worked out in musical numbers by the ridiculously gorgeous female cast.
The Hitch: Though it’s received some abysmal reviews, it’s also up for several awards and I’m a sucker for a musical and I don’t really care how atrocious the lyrics are or how out-of-synch the dancing is, it’s a fabulous cast of beautifully-dressed stars singing their feelings. What more could you ask for?

The Movie: “It’s Complicated”
The Trailer: Jane (Meryl Streep) and Jake (Alec Baldwin) get divorced after Jake cheats on Jane and then marries the much younger mistress. When things don’t work out for Jake, he starts up an affair with Jane who’s gotten more than flirty with her architect Adam (Steve Martin).
The Hitch: It’s been lovingly nicknamed by some people, “gray balls saggy tits,” but these are hot mature actors and the ageism in love stories is kind of silly. At this point, I’d rather watch intelligent and hilarious actors find love than teenyboppers … maybe that’s because puppy love is so much easier to come by? Director Nancy Meyers did a great job with “The Holiday,” and everything Alec Baldwin does these days is sexy magic. Bring on the middle-aged porn!

The Movie: “Sherlock Holmes”
The Trailer: Sherlock Holmes (Robert Downey Jr.) is a brawling, master sleuth in 1880’s London who solves mysteries with his partner Dr. Watson (Jude Law). There promises to be crime-fighting, bare-knuckle fighting, and love-making with Rachel McAdams playing Holmes’ former lover, current question mark.
The Hitch: If you’re a fan of Sherlock Holmes or Robert Downey Jr., you’ve probably already reserved your tickets. And while there are problems to be solved and stories to be told, the most important relationship is the bromance between Holmes and Watson. And what is Christmas about, if not sexy, sexy friendship between two men?

The Movie: “The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus”
The Trailer: An immortal Doctor Parnassus (Christopher Plummer) rules over a traveling theater troupe which lets audience members enter the unreal magical mirror, into his fantasy world, having the power to manipulate others’ imaginations because of a deal he made with the Devil (Tom Waits). When the devil comes to collect his side of the bargain, which is Dr. Parnassus’ daughter Valentina (Lily Cole), a dashing businessman outsider named Tony (Heath Ledger and later transformed into Johnny Depp, Jude Law, and Colin Farrell) comes to her rescue.
The Hitch: Unfortunately, it’s only a limited release for now, but this is Terry Gilliam and Charles McKeown’s first collab since “The Adventures of Baron Munchausen,” which happens to be one of my favorite movies EVER. Also exciting is this being Lily Cole’s first role and Heath Ledger’s last, which was thankfully completed by Depp, Law, and Farrell after his death. The movie will at the very least be beautiful and Gilliam does an amazing job manipulating the viewer’s imagination. Perhaps we should look into his deal with the devil?