How To Look More Attractive, Period

You may have heard of the golden ratio of beauty at this point. Scientists love to talk about it (I assume because it’s considered a “sexy” study and therefore it gets them more press). After all, the closer we come to quantifying that elusive asset called beauty, the easier it may be to manipulate ourselves in order to achieve it. And yes, that is sick and twisted, but it’s not my fault humans are the way they are.

Anyhoo, researchers at University of California, San Diego claim they have big news to share: They say they’ve “discovered the ideal alignment of female facial features, a pair of measurements that explain why one woman is perceived as attractive and the other, well, isn’t,” which seems weird since many a scientist before has boasted the same thing. But interestingly, these folks have some ideas on how to fake the kind of symmetry that will make the masses bow down and want to bone you. Pamela M. Pallett chalked up what we perceive as beautiful to the horizontal distance between the eyes being 46 percent of the face’s width, and the vertical distance between the eyes and the mouth 36 percent of the face’s length. So even more specifically, to be considered gorgeous (according to this most recent study, at least), someone with a “face 5 ½ inches wide from ear to ear and 7 inches long from hairline to chin ideally would boast about 2 ½ inches of distance between her eyes and another 2 ½ inches between her pupils and mouth.”

While such particular dimensions would seemingly leave most of us S.O.L., Pallett insists that you can cheat these “golden ratios” via changing your hair style to alter someone’s perception of similar measurements. For example, we all know how certain haircuts — especially bangs — can significantly alter face shape. Sarah Jessica Parker is a great example, since society considers her attractive enough to fall in the leading lady category of movie stars. Unlike a lot of her perfectly symmetrical peers, it’s kind of obvious that she has a longish face and eyes that are fairly close together. Pulling her hair back emphasizes these so-called flaws, but when it’s down and framing her face, the distraction draws your eyes outward. Nothing, however, can distract us all from how heinous “Did You Hear About The Morgans?” looks. [MSNBC]