And The Best Penis Haikus Are …

We’re so glad that author Alan Weider is finding new ways to celebrate the c**k. After the release of his memoir, The Year of the C**k, a tale about the year his ween obsession reeked havoc on his life, Alan decided to keep the penis love growing by sponsoring a penis haiku (phaiku) contest. If you’re a poetry lover like me, then you probably entered the contest. Well … the esteemed judges have voted on their favorite phaikus. I was disappointed to find out that my entry came in sixth place. Boo! But I must admit the winning entries were c**ktastic. After the jump, the winners’ penile musings. May I suggest a vagina haiku (vaiku) contest next, Alan?

Dylan Betman of Jersey City, NJ
At my computer
Playing with the meat whistle
Oh no my keyboard!

Chris Caylor of Pullman, WA
Constant wax and wane
Trouble making up his mind
Is she hot or not?

Matt Adams of Washington, D.C.
So long is my trunk
Pants with third leg hole I need
And shoe for the tip.

Xavier Holland of New York City
I am no farm boy
Still, I wake up every morn
With a rising c**k.

Melissa of Still-Hasn’t-Gotten-Back-to-Me-Yet
Quickly pumping in
Don’t think that you can fool me
No back door for you!

The winners will receive a signed copy of Alan’s outstanding book. Nice work!