Dear Wendy TK
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. I have known him since I was thirteen, his family adores me, we talk about the future, and I am so happy when I am with him. However, we have a few issues. I graduated from college almost three years ago and work a full-time job. We’re the same age, but my boyfriend is still working on community college and lives at home and has no job. He knows how much I value an education, but not so much that he’s motivated and driven to succeed. Now, to be fair, he has severe ADHD, and schoolwork has never been easy for him, not because he isn’t bright, but because of his inability to concentrate. However, he doesn’t seem to WANT to do better. I think he gets nervous about failure, but at 24 years-old he doesn’t seem to want to get a job, or accelerate his schooling any quicker, and I want to move onto the next stage of our relationship (not marriage, but just a more mature stage). I love him and don’t want to lose him, but I don’t know if I can handle a lifetime of this. Do I stick it out? Is it the ADHD or just laziness? —
I have been dating my boyfriend for three and a half years. Around two years ago we broke up after doing long distance and he ended up kissing three girls, while still sleeping with me. We were able to work through everything and have had an amazing last year and a half and I was under the impression we were going to be together for a while, if not forever. For some reason I was having weird feelings lately, and I finally confronted him about one of the girls and if they actually kissed or not. It turns out they slept together. I am so hurt and upset about his dishonesty, but it was two years ago. I really do consider him the love of my life, but I’m not sure if we will be able to, or should, try and make things work. — Brokenhearted
I have been dating this guy for over three years. We moved in together about a year ago. He’s a really sweet guy and we really never fight, but there are a couple things that bother me. First off, his sex drive isn’t what it should be for a 21 year-old guy. He’s had a lot of job, money and family stress that I attribute the low sex drive to. We go sometimes two, maybe three weeks without having sex sometimes…and he never gives oral. I do, but I’ve slacked off since he never returns the favor. He also has some hangups about his appearance. I’ve never really seen him without his shirt on. He thinks he’s fat. (Totally not. Not ripped, but still nice.)
To make matters worse, he has a serious attachment to his guy friends. For example, he never takes me out anywhere, really. He suggested the other day that we go see a movie and I said that sounded great…until he asked if it was okay for a couple of his friends to come along. Really? We had already spent several days with them…and he had just hung out with them the night before without me, so why did he need them along? I really like most of his friends and enjoy spending time with them, but I don’t want to have them tag along all of the time. What’s wrong with a nice dinner (can be cheap), a movie, and then some boot knockin’? — Neglected
I’ve been dating a trustworthy, kind gentleman for almost three years now. The problem? He’s very anxious, which translates into things like avoiding conflict with his parents and with me, avoiding issues like marriage (which carries a lot of childhood baggage and is something he sees as problematic in most cases), and sometimes – well, sometimes lacking the backbone that would make me respect him more. My emotions get a little over the top sometimes, and I guess I want to know that he can handle those.
I think about marrying him, want to marry him, but sometimes am also plagued by thoughts of how boring our life together might be (too much anxiety means it’s hard to get him to try something new), and of how I need him to stand up for himself to respect him. I just want him to make a decision…to do something… — Bored