I thought sex just couldn’t get any better when I was partying back in 1999. But since 2000, there have been a lot of technological advances in sex for men and women. Forget your right hand, your man with a member that would make a porn star cry, and even your old vibrator, things are getting better all the time. Check out the top sex inventions of the past decade.
- The Orgasmatron: For women with sexual dysfunction, there’s finally hope! In 2004, Dr. Stuart Meloy was looking to cure back problems with an electrode spinal cord stimulator and accidentally stumbled upon a guaranteed female orgasm. Or as the first woman who ever tried the Orgasmatron said, “You’re gonna have to teach my husband how to do that!”
- Cum Flavor Changer: That’s right! You can make splooge taste like sour apple candy! Sweet Release Hard Apple tablets don’t just make him delicious; they’ll also supposedly lower his cholesterol. Oh yeah, and they have it for ladies too, not that we need it! The pills are only about $40 a bottle at ShyToBuy.co.uk. Money well swallowed.
- Clone-A-Willy or Vagina: DIY is a big trend that was taken to a whole new level with this home mold kit of your private parts. Now you can make an identical vibrating replica of you or your loved one’s crotch. How sweet! But if you’re really crafty, you can make a vibing mold of your favorite penis with household items and these easy instructions for a DIY dildo.
- The G-Spot: After centuries of debate, the G-Spot was “discovered” in 2008 … even though many women had already found it. The story sounds kinda like Columbus arriving in America, ignoring the Indians, and getting called the person who discovered the New World, but hey, we’ll just be happy the place is acknowledged! And it’s all thanks to Italian scientists and a sonogram. Now, ladies, if we could only get someone to conquer it! Here are some instructions for finding the G-Spot.
- The World’s First Green Sex Toy: The Earth Angel Vibrator doesn’t require batteries; its packaging is made from recycled materials, and it’s under 100 bucks. Get off, guilt-free!
- The Tenga: Sick of wasting socks jerking off? Try the Tenga, invented just this past year — it’s a washable, waterproof sex toy for men that has a “wave-like sensation.” It has three button pressure controllers for three times the charm.
- His and Her Lube: There are his and her robes, his and her Halloween costumes, but as of 2008, there’s also his and her lube, called K-Y Yours+Mine. It’s two kinds of lube, so both guys and girls get a lil’ something special.
- Robot Sex Doll: Now with a G-spot, heavy breathing, and pubes! The most advanced sex toy and robot ever created fulfills men’s fantasies in more than one way. The First Androids are German-engineered and retail for $3,820. Steep, sure, but we bet no one is looking for a used doll on eBay.
- The Real Touch: This sex toy for men, warms, vibes, and lubes automatically, but that’s not all! The “Real Touch” syncs itself to the porn star moves in the video he’s watching. I wish I had a penis so I could stick it in this thing.