Because Us Weekly loves you (or maybe because it hates you), this week’s issue includes a selection of the text messages sent back-and-forth between Tiger Woods and Jaimee Grubbs in the past six months. While “I will wear you out” remains the poetic apex of the interaction, there are quite a few doozies in there. After the jump, the words that take the “sexy” out of “sexting,” plus the rules they didn’t follow that you should.
- Even in texts, grammar counts. Learn the difference between ‘their’ and ‘there.’ Also, run-on sentences just aren’t hot. Punctuate!
Jaimee: I drove out for the night to surprise a friend with a friend with a present for there birthday
Tiger: what kind of present your naked body
- Never follow a sweet thought with something crass.
Tiger: quiet and secretively we will always be together
Tiger: when was the last time you got laid
- Save the bizarro race talk for another time.
Jaimee: i only watch football
Tiger: figured you would say that. Big black guys
Jaimee: u are my first, last and only black guy! You should feel special
Tiger: i’m bone thugs in harmony
- If you don’t want to get caught, don’t sext in the first place.
Tiger: don’t text me back till tomorrow morning. I have to many people around me right now
- Don’t overdose on emoticons.
Jaimee: i apprecaite u not wanting to wake me up but if u couldn’t sleep I would rather have sat up and talked to u more…find out why I keep falling more and more for you ; )
Tiger: because I’m blasian : )
Jaimee: come back : (
What’s your favorite line?
