Newsflash: Natalie Portman Does Not Date Men Off Of Craigslist

Last night, I was in the changing room at my NYC gym alongside the lovely and petite Natalie Portman! She was wearing a puffy green coat and Tretorn rain boots even though it wasn’t raining outside and didn’t close her locker behind her. Anyway, because I’m a nerd, this morning I Googled “Natalie Portman Equinox” just for kicks and I came up with this Craigslist posting by some gym bunny asking Nat on a date. It says:

“You’re Natalie Portman. I was running on the treadmill at Equinox today…you were with your friend…i think you kind of checked me out a little…thought you were cute, would love to grab a drink.

Poor boob! Natalie wasn’t checking you out, honey. She was afraid because you were staring at her.

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