Dating Don’ts: How To Handle Envy
Out of all the seven deadly sins, Envy is probably the least attractive (with Gluttony hot on its heels). Lust, Greed, and Pride have practically become virtues in modern times and who’s going to deny a girl a little Wrath when she’s been wronged? Sloth? Well, hey, everybody needs to sleep in once in a while.
To help keep you from falling prey to this most vicious of sins, we’ve assembled some guidelines. Issue: The Prettiest Girl in the Room Isn’t You
I think it’s fair to say that the majority of my girlfriends are better-looking than me. Yes, it can rankle when the guy you’ve been eyeing looks right through you to ogle your bud, but is it your friend’s fault that she’s a hottie? I’m not going to lie and say it’s harder to go through life drop-dead gorgeous, but there are downsides to being extremely good-looking. (I’ll let you know when I think of them.)
Solution: I’ve never been entranced by generic Ken-doll cuties, so it makes sense that there are men (there are!) who go for a less conventionally foxy lady. Not to mention that aging is a lot easier to handle if you haven’t spent your life relying on your looks. Also, nobody looks shocked when something smart comes out of your mouth.
Issue: “OMG, I’m So In Love!!!”
It’s hard to feign excitement when your BFF, your partner in crime, the Laverne to your Shirley, lands herself a boy toy while you’re still a not-so-swinging single. Suddenly, Saturday night out with your bestie turns into Saturday night at home with Netflix and your pal, Mr. Hitachi. Even worse, when you finally do get to see her, all she wants to talk about is him.
Solution: Try not to roll your eyes or get snippy even though, yes, it seems like everyone else in the world is in love. Instead of throwing yourself a pity party, take solace in knowing that if she found someone, chances are, you will too. Besides, he’s a great source of hot new menfolk for you.
Issue: The Newly Rich
As Morrissey once warbled, “We Hate It When Our Friends Become Successful,” and while maybe hate is a strong word, it can be jarring when your former partner-in-ramen goes from scraping together the rent to shopping for million-dollar condos. When my friend S* got a new job making approximately a gazillion times more than me, I struggled with feeling like a giant loser in comparison. Suddenly, she wanted schmancy cocktails in swanky lounges instead of domestic beers in dive bars. I was gobsmacked when she complained about her feet hurting, walked into the first store we saw and dropped more on a new pair of shoes than I spend on a month’s rent.
Solution: I stopped feeling sorry for myself when I realized (duh) that making six figures comes at a very high price. While I was enjoying my zzz’s (or domestic beers in dive bars), she was up late, handling crises via her Blackberry and getting yelled at by her sociopathic boss. I can stay in my PJs and work from my bed (if I want to), while she’s required to show up at an office every day, dressed like a grown-up.
Issue: Something for Nothing
It’s one thing to have a friend who works her butt off and makes it big, but it’s quite another to watch as someone gets everything handed to her. Yes, I’m speaking of that irritating creature known as The Trustafarian. Just by virtue of being born into the right family, things like student loans and shut-off notices are foreign concepts to these types.
Solution: Know that by working hard for your money, you’re building character. Sure, the Trusty might get gifts like Beemers and Caribbean vacations—but isn’t that hand-knit Christmas sweater from your Aunt Nancy much more personal and, therefore, valuable?
Yeah, OK, I’m still working on conquering this one.