Tabloid Cheat Sheet: Britney’s Pregnant? Zach Braff and Liv Tyler Are Dating?

Presumably, you’ve survived Thanksgiving. You probably ran into some drama or into some pie, but either way, by now you’re hungry for a slice of this week’s gossip, because celebrity drama is so much more calorie dense than the standard variety. Just for you, we’ve carved out the best bite-sized stories from this week’s tabloids. Eat ‘em up, after the jump.

  • According to OK!, Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise are gearing up for baby number two and Tom plans to set aside another $75 million for the child, the same amount he allegedly has saved for each of his kids. The baby rumors were fueled by the fact that Katie has been talking to her Scientologist buddy Jenna Elfman, who’s currently preggers. But if and when Katie gets pregnant, there’s a Scientology program for pregnancy which includes colonics, herbal concoctions, and supplements. Sounds fun.
  • In the weirdest turn yet, Jessica Simpson is allegedly dating former Smashing Pumpkins front man Billy Corgan. A friend says, “She has completely fallen for Billy and his easygoing, smart attitude. She says she wants to take things a lot further.” The two met in September and recently spent an evening close-talking at a party, eventually leaving together. “That was the last anyone heard of them for days.” Ew, wasn’t he just at an awards show with Tila Tequila? What the hell, Billy?!
  • OK! interviewed “America’s Next Top Model” winner Nicole Fox, which was unsurprisingly awkward. Fame hasn’t gone to the petite model’s head, as she had this to say about her relationship status: “I’ve never had a boyfriend. No experiences with boys at all … If I had a crush on a boy, I would just kind of watch from afar.” Despite, or maybe thanks to her eccentricities, she recently kind of met Robert Pattinson by walking in on him in the bathroom on the “Regis and Kelly” set. Her reaction? “I just kind of looked down at my shoes and scuttled away really quickly.” Awesome. [OK! Magazine]

  • No shocker here. Us Weekly chose to make Tiger Woods’ double life its cover story this week. But at this point, we’ve heard all the supposedly shocking details already — mainly that before the Rachel Uchitel rumors, Tiger was allegedly having an affair with 24-year-old L.A. cocktail waitress Jamie Grubbs and leaving incriminating voicemails for her. But she did share a recent text message that was interesting: “I will wear you out … When was the last time you got laid?” Ick.
  • Apparently, Lindsay Lohan was seen recently kissing Jessica Alba’s husband, Cash Warren, at a West Hollywood club. The pair were friends before he started dating Alba and often exchange Tweets, but club patrons were shocked to see them making out. “Lip on tongue. It was raw. They were not shy,” said a witness. But Lohan says the allegations are absurd and that they are just working on a TV show together. Lindsay’s “pal” says, “She’s falling for him,” while Warren’s friends insinuate that he tends to get into trouble during his nights out. Cad.
  • Even though “Jon and Kate Plus 8″ is over, we still (thankfully?) know what Jon and Kate Gosselin did for Thanksgiving. Kate had her bodyguard Steve Neild over with his wife, in-laws, and sons and let them stay in Jon’s above-the-garage bachelor pad. (To which Jon said: “I have a lot of valuable stuff up there!”) Jon had Thanksgiving with his parents and grandmother, and later that weekend, he pulled an all-nighter, drinking with girls, going to an after-hours club, and eating breakfast at a local diner. Oh, to be in college again. [Us Weekly]

  • In an unnecessarily long eight-page spread, The National Enquirer promised Celebrity “Deadly Diets,” but mostly just showed pictures of fat and skinny celebs, guessed their weights, and asserted why they are the size they are by detailing either their calorie intake or favorite fatty foods. Highlights include Lindsay’s 700-calorie-a-day limit and Quentin Tarantino looking admittedly wide. But the only diets mentioned appear to be about anorexia/severe calorie restriction and Lohan’s Adderall regimen. Tabloid Fail. We want the two grapes and one can of tuna-esque details!
  • In another strange celebrity coupling, Liv Tyler is apparently dating Zach Braff. Since her divorce from Royston Langdon, Tyler and Braff have been seen canoodling. “They were very touchy-feely,” said a witness. “It was definitely a romantic night out for them.” Liv’s friends have warned her about Braff’s playboy reputation, but she thinks he’s a sweetheart. If she guest stars on “Scrubs,” I’m gonna be bummed.
  • Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi have apparently offered up their home to Lindsay Lohan, to help her get back on her feet. While Dina Lohan thinks it might be a good idea, Michael Lohan is, of course, paranoid that Ellen is trying to pull his daughter into a lesbian cult. Lindsay has graciously declined the offer, but how amazing a reality show would that make? [The National Enquirer]

  • People also addressed the Tiger Woods scandal for their cover story. According to a source, his wife Elin was chasing his SUV and her hitting his window with the golf club was what caused Tiger to hit the fire hydrant and run into a tree. Neighbors gathered around the scene, where Tiger was laid out on the ground, bleeding from the mouth and passed out. He was taken to the hospital, with his wife yelling, “I love you,” to the closing ambulance doors.
  • Even with their reps denying it, People says Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal have broken up. According to a source at one of their old haunts, Pamela’s restaurant in Pittsburgh, “They are so cute together … When she comes [to town] on the weekends, you can see they missed each other all week.” Aww, don’t break up now. The tabloids just discovered you guys!
  • For some reason, I thought Chelsea Clinton was already engaged, but now I recall it was the tabloid talk this summer. So instead of dealing with the press, the couple sent out a mass email announcing their engagement. Chelsea will be marrying her childhood friend Marc Mezinsky next summer. The couple lives together in Manhattan and has been dating since 2005. Apparently, Bill Clinton is already excited, according to a source, “Bill adores Marc. This is the son he didn’t have.” [People]

  • I was hoping Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie would end up on one of the tabloid covers — I saw Brad at my favorite bookstore yesterday and wanted to report that he seemed peaceful (and is gorgeous and his voice sounds like molasses tastes). According to Star, the problems at home are getting worse. Neighbors have called the cops over Angie’s fights. An insider says, “Angelina’s a screamer, and she gets physical.” This week’s fight allegedly dealt with Brad’s desire to go home to Missouri while Angelina wanted to bring Pax on a humanitarian mission in Asia for his 6th birthday. When Brad allegedly called Angelina selfish, she allegedly threw a chair across the room. I’m allegedly skeptical.
  • In a rather random spread, Star says that now that Susan Boyle’s record is killing the other new releases, she’s more confident than ever. So now, Susan is looking for “The Man of Her Dreams.” Turns out, Susan was once engaged to a man after dating him for seven weeks but he only pecked her on the cheek and soon called the engagement off. She’s had tons of fan proposals, but is worried they’re psychos who want her money. Her dream man is “Britain’s Got Talent” judge Piers Morgan, whom she kissed on the mouth after making it to the finals.
  • According to Star Britney Spears is pregnant again! She’s just finishing her Circus tour in Australia and allegedly picked up a pregnancy test on Friday, since she’s been feeling nauseous and her period was late. The results came out positive. A source says she told Jamie Lynn, who was not supportive, and the rest of the family. But, apparently, Britney’s fiance, Jason Trawick, isn’t necessarily ready for the commitment of a child and, since they were using contraception, he was surprised by the news. We need a mini Britney! Please let this one be a girl. [Star]