I’ll call him Daniel. Daniel was my best friend and my brother, my twin. We didn’t share any DNA, but he still felt more like family than my own family did sometimes. It felt like what Daniel did to me was stab a knife into me, push me down on my face and walk away.

All I want to do is walk up to Alex and deck him in the face.

I don’t understand why I’m in love with someone, I’m living with someone, I’m going to marry someone, and Alex can reduce me to tears. The more distance I have from him and his inability-to-break-up-with-his-girlfriend-for-me, perversely, the more deeply I understand how it shouldn’t have been so hard if he’d actually loved me. Standing where I am now, with a man who’s finally worthy of me, things look so different” I fall asleep every night with arms wrapped around me from a man who loves me. He makes me scrambled eggs on Sunday mornings. He rubs me feet if I’ve been wearing high heels. He stops at Starbucks for me even when it’s 10 minutes out of the way. Alex couldn’t even commit to wanting to be with me and when I think about how I gave my heart over to someone who may never have really wanted to make me scrambled eggs on Sunday mornings, I feel incredibly stupid and cheated of something I deserved.