Woman Getting Married: Sinking In

So I am officially engaged. And I’ll tell you the #1 thing I’m feeling right now:

Nauseous.

I think it’s just because the past six months have been one big blur, and we’ve made some of the biggest decisions we’ve made in our entire lives. Six months ago we moved from New York City to Nashville for Future Husband’s job. We had each lived in NYC for almost 10 years, and I, personally, was tired of roach-infested shoe boxes. (We are both writers/editors; because of our professions, we would most likely be living in shoes boxes with guests the rest of our lives there.) So, we jumped at the opportunity to move to another (cheaper) city.

Since then, the economy has kept us on pins and needles about whether Future Husband’s new job will still be there in six months. Never mind the fact that we packed up our entire lives and moved halfway across the country for it.

While I was the one who essentially told FH I’d like to be engaged before my birthday (which is today!), the moment it happened I have to admit it freaked me out a bit. Since I am essentially a neurotic, OCD woman, receiving something I’ve wished for my entire life has sent me into some weird, baffled spiral. Not really a spiral, that’s an exaggeration, but I feel like a kid who pushed the button everybody told him not to push, and then when the alarm actually goes off, he just stands there shocked. Granted, this is a “good” button, but I tend to be someone who gets scared when good things happen. Again, I’m neurotic.

I know how lucky I am to have Future Husband. He’s funny, charming, handsome … he’s essentially me with a penis, so, of course, he’s a great guy. But I somehow can’t keep focused on that, and I keep worrying about random things. For example, I am petrified of our families meeting. So far, this is what our future wedding day is looking like in my head:

I know, I know. It’s crazy to think like that. But I come from a family of loud, rowdy Florida Jews, and Future Husband’s family is Catholic, reserved, and southern. I mean, it’s not a match made in heaven. I hate it when two groups of friends cross over and meet at birthday parties; I can only imagine what future in-laws meeting will be like. It’s enough to make me not want to plan a wedding at all!

P.S. I’ve only been engaged a week. There’s no destination picked out. No date. No guest list. However, I had the sudden realization last night, as I sat there hunched over with cramps, that there is no goddamn way I am getting married with my period. How do I plan that?! Why is this not in any books? I seriously need a Period Tracker.

Read more from Woman Getting Married here.

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