Sarah Palin On “Oprah” Basically The Political Version Of “Mystery Science Theater 3000″

Sarah Palin was on “Oprah” today and it was kind of hard to watch without yelling at the television screen. So rather than sound like ranting crazy people, here are the things we really wanted to say to Sarah while we watched her on Big O’s couch.
  • Overall, Sarah, it’s not your politics that makes you such a controversial figure. Well, maybe that is 40 percent of it. But just like with Carrie Prejean, it’s that you insist on portraying yourself as such a victim. If you talk about yourself like a media punching bag, you will only become one. It’s like you expected everyone in the country would want to give you a big, enthusiastic high five for running for vice president. But part of having political and social platforms is that huge tracts of people will disagree with them. Get over it.
  • You do make a good point that Barack Obama’s family gets treated much more kindly in the media, while yours is often held up for ridicule. But, face it; your family is way more scandalous than Obama’s. Let’s just say that if Malia got pregnant, there would be a media explosion, too. A way more intense one.
  • You say that, before appearing to accept the nomination, image consultants were brought in to work with your whole family, and you thought, “Why was the Palin family being made over? We felt like we were starring in an episode of ‘What Not To Wear.'” So why do it? Similarly, what’s up with all this talk about “staying on script”? You were plucked from obscurity in Alaska and you wanted to dictate the tone of the McCain campaign? A vice president is there to fall into line and add another strength to the ticket—that’s what you were hired to do. So why complain about it in retrospect?
  • You thought your interview with Katie Couric was supposed to be lighthearted—just a mom talking to a mom? Um, she’s a major newscaster for a major news channel. Also, you refer to Couric as “the perky one”? And you get on people for belittling you just because you’re an attractive woman?
  • We do give you props for talking about how you felt when you found out you were pregnant. But if, in talking about abortion, you admit that you thought about it and that “I could certainly understand why a woman would feel that way,” wouldn’t you then want to it be an option on the table for women not in your position—i.e., married with a supportive husband and with the funds to raise a child in the bank?
  • We respect that you realize Levi Johnston is in your life for the long haul. And yes, he’s made some insane decisions lately. But don’t call a 19-year-old nicknames like “Ricky Hollywood.” Ignore him and he’ll go away. You are only fanning the flames of his fame.
  • We’re glad to get a chance to see adorable Trig in his Halloween chicken costume. And Piper making caramel apples. That’s very humanizing. But in many ways, we think that throughout the McCain campaign, you made your family your platform. Which is what makes people feel open to talking smack about them.
  • We quote you: “It’s nice not to be handled, to be able to say what I want to say.” You had a chance to be second in command of the nation—was it really so bad? What’s with the sour grapes?
  • You gave a good answer when Oprah asked you how you’d handle being vice president and a mother of five: “I’ll be able to do this job the same way men have been able to do this job. At least in my life … there’s so much equality in my marriage. … it never occurred to me that I couldn’t do my job because of the children.” We’re not fans of Todd/Sarah, but that sounds pretty commendable.
  • Why, oh why, can you not give a reasonable answer for why you stepped down as governor? You don’t want people to see you as a quitter when, uh, you quit? That makes a lot of sense. You resigned because you were heading into a lame duck term? Yeah, that bodes really well for your future in public office. We just hope that when you say, “She’s not retreating, she’s reloading,” that doesn’t mean you’re running in 2012. Even though you wouldn’t give Oprah a straight answer on that, either.