A Code Of Conduct For Women Who Write About Their Lovers?

It’s pretty remarkable that after the success of the blog Diary of a London Call Girl, and its subsequent book deal and TV series, “Belle,” the writer behind it, managed to remain anonymous until this morning. So why did cancer researcher Brooke Magnanti decide to out herself now? Because an ex she’d written about extensively was threatening to do it for her. While Magnanti gave the scoop to the Times of London, it was the Daily Mail who tracked down this boyfriend to find out how he feels about all of this. He’s frightened and furious.For starters, he’s worried about his own identity now. But he’s also angry, explains “Owen,” because he’s a powerless player: “She has made a great deal of money from Belle de Jour, but I haven’t received a penny and my life has been completely affected … She never asked if she could write about our life together and I feel humiliated.”

Obviously, many of us at the The Frisky write about our lives and relationships, both for this site and for other publications. Each of us is different in how we proceed, but it brings up an interesting dilemma. Should female writers be asking their lovers if it’s OK to write about them? Are they owed anything? Freedom of speech and feminism would have you saying that women can write what they want, but at what point do you owe someone privacy or truth? If we couldn’t write from our experiences, what would we learn?

Would you trade off success for completely humiliating an ex-boyfriend? Do you think there are compromises or rules relationship writers should follow? [Daily Mail]

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