Tabloid Cheat Sheet: A Million And Ten Angelina Jolie Rumors

Happy Hump Day! You’ve been working really hard all morning so it’s probably time for a break … from reality. Tabloids are an important tool for participating in some healthy childhood make-believe. This week Angelina Jolie donned the covers of four tabloids, so let’s prepare for the inevitable showdown—who will win Brad’s heart? Only one way to find out! We’ve conveniently extracted those stories and more that you would have cared about if you were shameless enough to read tabloids yourself.

  • OK! reports that Angelina Jolie is planning her next adoption, this time from Syria and without Brad Pitt. Apparently, the adoption is causing a rift in their relationship since Brad doesn’t think he can handle more than six children right now, especially with their 16-month old twins. Which is why Angie’s gone behind his back. Angie also adopted Maddox secretly when she was dating Billy Bob Thornton and three months later they broke up. Tick tock!
  • In rather uneventful news, despite the rumors of infidelity with a stripper, Fergie and Josh Duhamel are going strong and Fergie believes Josh didn’t cheat, even though the stripper reportedly passed a polygraph test.
  • And because OK! totally knows what’s up, they gave us seven secrets from the set of “Glee“! Apparently, cheerleader Quinn and drama geek Rachel were roommates for a long time and now three cast members live in the same building and hang out a lot. Unsurprisingly, Jane Lynch is not the evil coach she plays on TV—when the cast came to see her in an off-Broadway play, “Love, Loss, and What I Wore,” she screamed, “Where are my babies?” Also, the cast likes to sit around on chairs, in what they call “Club Cast,” singing songs which sometimes get written into the show. [OK!]

  • I have a feeling that Ian Halperin’s new book, Brangelina: The Untold Story of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, will be supplying the next year’s worth of tabloid covers. According to the unauthorized book, Jolie’s camp spread the rumors that Brad left Jennifer Aniston because she didn’t want kids. In more random notes, according to a limo driver, “[Angelina] has a temper like a cobra,” the children are mainly raised by nannies, a hotel employee heard Shiloh call her nanny “Mommy,” and Angie warned Megan Fox about over-sharing. “That woman acts like a fool,” Ange supposedly said. “She’s saying shocking things for attention, but those things will follow her around and be reprinted forever.” And Angelina would know!
  • Even though there’s already Oscar buzz for Mo’Nique‘s performance in “Precious,” there’s major tension with Oprah over demands for money to support the movie. Mo’Nique recently ditched premieres in New York and Toronto. Supposedly, the problem is with Mo’Nique’s manager/husband, Sidney Hicks, who’s “impossible to work with” and was the one demanding cash. A source says, “She deserves an Academy Award, and he’s screwing it up for her.”
  • Gwyneth Paltrow is coping in the wake of rumors that her hubby Chris Martin was seen kissing their friend Kate Bosworth recently. Neighbors have reported that Paltrow looked “stressed and really unhappy” but Bosworth has already called Gwyn to assure her nothing happened. A close friend confirmed that there was no foul play. Us Weekly says that Paltrow and Martin “don’t know how these rumors are spreading.” Really, Us Weekly? Cause I think I know how they’re spreading. [Us Weekly]

  • Meanwhile, on the other end of the spectrum, Angelina Jolie recently collapsed after her weight dipped to just above 100 pounds. A source says that Brad has urged Angie to go to rehab or get counseling to deal with her emotional and physical demons. When Angie’s mother died in 2007, she stopped eating entirely and her weight also plummeted. According to her brother at the time, “She has not wanted to eat, nor has she been able to.” Someone make this woman a sandwich!
  • Even though we’ve essentially forgotten about David Letterman‘s affair, he’s still dealing with it daily and has recently moved out of his Westchester mansion to live in a loft in lower Manhattan. Regina has told Letterman that she will make her decision by the end of the year, but also wants David to decide whether he wants to be in this supposedly committed relationship.
  • Mariah Carey has apparently gained 42 pounds since getting married and reportedly weighs 177 pounds, which really doesn’t look bad on the 5’9″ singer. But, apparently, even though he’s said he loves her fat or thin, Nick Cannon is worried and urged Mariah to cut down on alcohol and count calories. Before getting married, Mariah survived on steamed veggies and broiled fish on top of insane workouts. Now Mariah eats what she wants and is too busy touring and promoting “Precious” to exercise. [The National Enquirer]

  • Grammy Award-winning singer Alicia Keys recently founded Keep a Child Alive, a charity that helps fight AIDS in Africa, and has raised $20 million for her cause. She provides AIDS-fighting drugs to mothers and children and says, “You see people go from the verge of death to being happy, funny, and hopeful. It’s spectacular.” Her charity built a clinic and an orphanage and hosts an annual fund-raiser. Alicia personally keeps in touch with the teenagers she’s helped via email.
  • People provided a handy A to Z guide to “New Moon,” with some particularly bizarre nuggets of info. Like that a Utah farmer made crop circles of Edward and Jacob’s faces and that Robert Pattinson‘s sisters called him Claudia and put him in dresses when he was little. Somehow “O” stands for the band 100 Monkeys, which is popular with the cast, and “Z” stands for Zealous Fans, who allowed the first movie to make about $200 million last year.
  • Demi Moore turned 47 years old today and People reminded us that she really hasn’t aged in nearly three decades and actually looks better than ever. Close sources have reported that Moore has never had cosmetic surgery but eats a mostly organic diet, gets monthly facials, and is so in love with her husband Ashton Kutcher … which the sources allege is her real fountain of youth. I hope it’s because she’s a vampire and he’s her blood source. [People]

  • Way back when Team Aniston and Team Jolie T-shirts hit the market, who knew the battle would continue so long? According to Star, the women play tricks on each other in the battle for Brad’s heart. Angelina uses her Hollywood power to scoop movie roles, magazine covers, and red carpet dresses that she hears Aniston are going after. But Jen calls and texts Brad at all hours of the night, compliments him on his stupid goatee, and is still close with Brad’s parents. Battle’s on!
  • It’s been ages since we heard anything about Renee Zellweger and Bradley Cooper‘s relationship. Maybe that’s because he’s not that into it? Cooper is reportedly simultaneously dating Isabella Brewster (CAA agent and younger sister of actress Jordana Brewster) and Zellweger doesn’t know that Cooper’s trying both of them on for size. [Star]
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