It Should Be Illegal …

With all the talk about legalizing gay marriage and decriminalizing marijuana, we started thinking about the super-important stuff that we wish the po-po would come in and regulate. After the jump, 30 unacknowledged crimes that should be illegal.It should be illegal …

  1. … to buy a luxury car when you work one block from where you live and never take “weekend trips.”
  2. … to wear tights as pants.
  3. … to cry during or after sex.
  4. … stop in the middle of a busy NYC sidewalk.
  5. … to talk on your cell phone during a movie or on public transportation.
  6. … to hold up a really long line.
  7. … to wear jeans with any kind of applique or rhinestones.
  8. … to wear full makeup and heels to go to brunch on Sunday morning.
  9. … to say, “Stop being crazy!” when a woman dares get justifiably angry or emotional.
  10. … to buy designer clothing when your rent isn’t paid.
  11. … to have your weave tracks showing.
  12. … to tongue down your mate in public.
  13. … to have nails, real or fake, longer than a quarter-inch past your finger tip.
  14. … for Gilt Groupe items to sell out before we’ve had a chance to put stuff in our carts.
  15. … to take longer than five minutes to prepare a drink at Starbucks.
  16. … to order a fancy dinner and only eat half of it. And ordering a chocolate-y dessert and not finishing it should lead to execution.
  17. … to over-wax a woman’s brows.
  18. … to touch a pregnant woman’s belly without her permission.
  19. … to find a bug in your takeout order.
  20. … for guys to use the c-word.
  21. … for cars not to stop and let you cross the street when it’s raining, even if they have the green light.
  22. … for men to assume that by virtue of being female you a) want a relationship and b) want it with them.
  23. … to sell shoes for more than $200.
  24. … to allow celebrities whose names rhyme with Bindsay Mohan to design clothing.
  25. … for restaurants/bars to EVER have those hole-in-the-ground squat toilets.
  26. … for men to wear spandex to yoga class and then proudly show off their boners.
  27. … to drink all the cold Diet Coke without filling the fridge with new cans.
  28. … to be Spencer Pratt, Jon Gosselin, or Ann Coulter.
  29. … to call a size 8 woman “plus-size.”
  30. … to speak only as a “we” once you’re a part of a couple.

What do you think should be illegal?

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