Masturbation isn’t a very sexy word. But despite its poor branding and marketing, self-lovin’ gets us all (hopefully) to the big O. So, rather than harp on the weird choice of word, like vagina (not the best work of the English language), why not try one of these ridiculous euphemisms for “dancing with myself”? Hey, they might inspire you to come up with more, uh, nicknames.
- Taking the flute to band camp
- Stuffing the pink taco
- The five knuckle shuffle
- Petting My Little Pony
- Rub one out
- Cleaning out the cobwebs
- Yodel In the Canyon
- Turn the knob
- Tampering with the smoke detector
- Buffin’ the muffin
- Turning myself into a hand puppet
- Basting the turkey
- Practicing
- Self-service
- Flying solo
- Feeling slap happy
- Watering the flower
- Priming the pump
- All hands on deck
- Cure for boredom
- Tickle your fancy
- Thumb a ride
- Paddling the pink canoe
- Preheat the oven
- Staying in with BOB (battery operated boyfriend)
