The 10 Stupidest 911 Calls In Recent Memory

Over the past few months, it seems like I can barely go a week without hearing a story about a looney tunes 911 call—from the women who called 911 to report that her daughter was better at oral sex to the man who dialed emergency services because a worker at McDonald’s had left the orange juice off his order. People, we get that 911 is strictly for emergencies, right? Right? Here are some of the best 911 calls of the past year.

  1. Earlier this week, we told you the disturbing tale of a woman in Ohio who dialed 911 to report that her daughter was better at oral sex than she was. How did she know? She caught her husband getting a BJ from her daughter (his step-daughter). She did need to pick up a phone—but calling a divorce lawyer and therapist, stat, would have made more sense.
  2. Last January, a Michigan police officer ganked some pot he’d confiscated from a suspect and decided to have some fun with it. But when he and his wife started feeling funky, he called 911. “We made brownies and I think we’re dead, I really do,” he said. The operator tried to stifle chuckles. [LiveLeak]
  3. Calling 911 to report a drunk driver is awesome, unless the driver you’re reporting is yourself. Mary Strey, a 49-year-old woman in Missouri, made just such an emergency call. “Are you behind them?” the operator asked. “No, I am them.” If you have the wherewithal to call 911, couldn’t you just pull over and call a friend to pick you up?
  4. Lorna Dudash tried to use 911 as a personal dating service. She had an emergency, and two cops came to her house. As soon as they left, she called again and told the operator that she’d like them to come back. “Honey, I’ll be honest with you, OK? I just thought he was cute and I’d like to meet him again,” she said.
  5. Raibin Raof Osman, a 20-year-old in the pleasantly named Aloha, Oregon, called 911 to report that McDonald’s had left an orange juice off of his order. I can understand for a coffee, but for OJ? [Boston.com]
  6. Latricia Whitman also called 911 over a McDonald’s order. “I ordered a 10-piece chicken nuggets with a small fry, and she said we don’t have nuggets,” said Latricia. I love how the operator here actually engages her, asking, “Is there a manager there? OK, I’ll send an officer.” To arrest her, I hope. [YouTube]
  7. Who can forget when, during the 2008 election, John McCain’s brother Joe called 911 over a traffic jam. When the operator asked, “Are you calling to complain about traffic?” He responded, “F**k you.” Cute! [Huffington Post]
  8. One poor woman called 911 because she couldn’t take her husband watching porn anymore. “Nothing will move him, not even if I offer him the real thing, and he has the TV on so loud I’m sure the neighbors can hear it,” she said. Too bad there’s nothing the police can do about such things. [911 Wackos]
  9. Here’s a FAIL for you. A man in Beaverton, Oregon, was turned away at a night club because the bouncer said he was too intoxicated to go inside. This smart guy decided to call 911 over the incident. When the police arrived, they found cocaine stuffed in his sock. Oops. [Oddee]
  10. This Florida woman sounds reasonably sane during her 911 call in March. She’s in the parking lot, her car won’t start, she’s locked in, and freaking out. The dispatcher’s genius advice. “Have you tried pulling the lock up on the door?” Yeah, that worked. [YouTube]
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