6 Possible Predictions For Tonight’s “Gossip Girl” Threesome

We’ve been sitting at our desks drumming our fingers all day, waiting to go home and catch the much-publicized threesome on “Gossip Girl.” While emails pile up, we’ve been imagining all the possibilities for the nubile young cast. There are so many possible combos of hot people swimming around, falling into each other, and awkwardly gathering their pants in the morning. In celebration, we’ve proposed six possible scenarios.
Dan, Olivia, and Vanessa
As Vanessa gets increasingly annoying and power-hungry, she finally realizes that scandal is the quickest path to fame and decides to orchestrate a sex video with Hollywood’s hottest couple, who were, conveniently enough, naked in bed at the end of the previous episode, in her dorm room. It’s about time all that friendship tension was put to rest. It’s time for Hilary Duff to rip off her Disney channel Goody Two-shoes and live a little.


Chuck, Josh, and Blair
Blair pushed Chuck into the arms of another man—NYU’s hunky head of freshman affairs. Now Josh wants to push back in a fit of angry hate sex. This whole Chuck-loving-Blair thing is getting boring already, and Chuck’s sex appeal is being wasted by the lack of sex. (Cuddling, really?) Think of all the power Blair could gain from having an ally in the administration!


Nate, Carter, and Serena
Nate realizes that by taking the blame at his brother’s election he’s screwed up any hope at having a future, since he doesn’t really have any hobbies or proven talents. So he turns back to gambling against Carter Baizen and is inexplicably winning this time. In an act of desperation and greed, he ups the stakes to an “Indecent Proposal” for Serena’s company for the evening, with Carter forced to watch … but after a few bottles of champagne, who needs spectators?


Lily, Dorota, and Rufus
Lily and Rufus thought their long-awaited union would warrant the sexual fury only 20 years of pent-up sexual tension could produce. But in the interim, Rufus has developed some strange fetishes that Lily allows him to explore, including a thing for Eastern European maids. In a ploy to appease the Parents Television Council, “Gossip Girl” has ensured that teenagers across the country are scarred for life as they witness the ickiest adult sexual act ever broadcast on public television and subsequently never want to engage in a threesome. At the end, Dorota makes the bed.


Chuck, Georgina, and Blair
Georgina’s fed up with being the butt of every joke and longs to join forces with the power couple. At first they scoff at her advances, but Chuck is never one to turn down hate sex or two women. When Blair realizes the proposal has brought a glimmer to Chuck’s eyes, she drinks herself drunk and accepts her payback for forcing Chuck to kiss a man. Or, Georgina slips the couple roofies and has her way with them and saves the pics for blackmail in a future episode.


Jenny, Eric, and Nate
Angry that they haven’t been featured in many episodes lately and realizing their popularity is at stake, Jenny and Eric unite to attack the weakest member of the pack—Nate, who’s without a lover, without friends, and ostracized by his family. He’s alone and plotless. Jenny’s still harboring feelings, and Eric gets off on the fact that this forbidden fruit was once enjoyed by his sister. A drunken Nate easily accepts the warm embrace of Eric and Jenny. Something kind of beautiful ensues.

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