I went to the very liberal Sarah Lawrence College, where they often invited sex workers to campus to talk about sex toys, BDSM, even squirting. I was exposed to more nudity, dildos, vibrators, and threesomes than I’d care to mention. It was awesome. My brother and dad went to the more conservative Duke University, where they’ve recently been conducting a study on women and sex toys, inviting female students to sex toy parties (think: like an old-fashioned Tupperware party) where they can buy erotic toys, lingerie, and games. Before and after, the students fill out a survey about their thoughts about sex. But the Duke Catholic Center is pretty pissed about this research. Reverend Joe Vetter thinks that the study doesn’t promote relationships and wants to discuss this atrocious study at mass. [News & Observer] While I know that Reverend Joe would undoubtedly argue against any sex before marriage, with yourself or with others, but I gotta disagree with the thrust of his argument. Sex toys promote sexual satisfaction, which logically leads to the desire for a sexual partner or relationship. If I hadn’t started experimenting with sex toys, I’d still be under the impression that orgasms are a myth and every relationship would have crashed and burned as I desperately searched for someone to push the magic button that I hadn’t found. Sex toys are healthy, can be shared in a relationship, and are helpful for a woman to reach orgasm when sex isn’t enough.
At the same time, once you find yourself in a relationship, staring at the ceiling and longing for the Hitachi Magic Wand in your bedside table at home, while your shiny new boyfriend prods away at your vagina like it’s a slug he found in the grass and he’s a 6-year-old boy with a stick … sex toys don’t promote relationships, they promote swearing off boys altogether. After too many bad dates, it’s easy for a woman to give up for a while, since she’s probably better at reaching orgasm herself and maybe she can’t handle another first date and subsequent breakup.
But it’s not the sex toy’s fault that you’re not in a relationship or that you’d rather DIY. It’s probably just that you haven’t found a boy who turns you on and gets you simultaneously. Which is worth waiting for. I believe that sex toys promote sexually fulfilling relationships. Which the Catholic Church may not consider important, but you totally should!