Doin’ It With Dr. V: “He Doesn’t Remember Having Sex With Me!”

This week I got a letter from a lady whose man has been stickin’ it to her, even if he doesn’t know how hard he’s been working:

My boyfriend and I just moved in together and we’ve been doing it all the time, including a couple nights ago when he woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex. He started going for it, not me. But the next morning, he didn’t seem to know we had sex. He swears he doesn’t remember it AT ALL. Come on! Is he joking? At first I was like, What does it matter? But really, I’m kinda freaked out. How could he have sex with me and not remember? We did go out drinking with some friends that night, but we didn’t get wasted. I’ve seen him a lot drunker than that! Is he playing a joke on me? I don’t get it. I can’t stop trying to figure out why he’d lie to me. Is it really possible we had sex and he had no idea?

I know, it sounds incredible, but actually, there’s a growing community of psychologists and doctors that would say “Yes!” It’s like sleepwalking or sleeptalking, just sleep-schtupping. In fact, if you have a history of doing things in your sleep — like chatting or bedwetting — then you could very well be the kind of person to do it while you’re catching some Zzzz’s. The condition is called “sexsomnia” or “sleep sex.” And it’s starting to get wildly accepted as a legit sleep disorder.

Depending on whom you talk to, a few dozen or over a thousand cases of people sleep-sexing have been recorded. It’s thought to be such a small number due to the embarrassment and fear factor. It’s a pretty freaky way to get freaky and harder still to catch because the person doesn’t even remember doin’ it. But how come they don’t wake up?

Supposedly, when someone isn’t deep in slumber there is a chance for them to be aroused. (As if sleeping next to you wasn’t enough, hot stuff.) It’s different from a sex dream because those only occur during REM dream sleep. Sexsomnia, on the other hand, happens during a relaxed state, when parts of the brain that would reason with a person would be shut down. It’s not uncommon for the horny sleeper to even just get it on solo and masturbate without waking up. All that work and you don’t even know you got off! Bummer.

Often times, the sleepsexer won’t even believe they’ve been naughty at night. And it can cause some tension in relationships, as you know firsthand. Double bummer. But don’t let it get you both down!

The good news is, this actually can be treated with medication. Even better, it is not a sign that the sexsomniac is actually going crazy, having sex time issues, or is a liar. However, it is supa-dupa important that he goes to see a doctor, a sleep specialist to be exact. ‘Cause girl, you don’t want him trying to have sex with the wrong person while he’s sleeping. Just read this case and you’ll be convinced to take care of business. You have to take sleep sex seriously. Sex is meant to be awakening!

Hi, I’m Dr. V. I’m not a real doctor; I just play one on the internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily lead me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. And please, if you have a question, email me. You know I love to read your smut too!