Why hello there, Pete Wentz, glad you’re here. We have something rather important to discuss with you. It has come to our attention that you’re wearing far too much makeup, even if your intention was to make it “pop” on the red carpet. In fact, we’ve tolerated your guyliner ways for a long time now, but when you show up to the party wearing more paint than your girl and your name is not David Bowie, then that’s when you know you need to shut it down, my friend. The heavy pancake foundation (in the wrong shade for your skin tone we might add), the extravagant eye makeup, the shimmery lip gloss — it’s all too much to take in. Now go get yourself some industrial-strength makeup remover and get the hell out of here.
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