Sorry, but I haven’t gotten sick of making fun of “Twilight” yet. With its cheesy dialogue, hoards of screaming “Twihards” and complete and total sell-out status (think: “Twilight” tours, “Team Edward” T-shirts) I have no shortage of material. But I’ve been outdone by Ivy League satire specialists the Harvard Lampoon, who just released Nightlight, a 160-page book about an awkward geek named Edwart Mullen and his klutzy U-Haul-driving lover, Bella Goose. Edwart is a seriously craptastic driver and should the couple’s love continue to grow, Bella faces getting dismembered in a horrendous car accident. It’s a forgone conclusion that they’re going to get together, though, because Edwart likes the grapefruit-y smell of Bella’s blood. Oh yeah, and the front of the book reads, “About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him—which I assumed was wildly out of his control—that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me.” Wait, what’s that I hear? Pre-teen girls all over the world are screaming in rage. Heh. [LA Times]
