Nicole Kidman’s Top 10 (Maybe) Kinkiest Sexual Fetishes
Yesterday, we shared Nicole Kidman’s revelation that she’s gotten kinky in the past and “explored strange sexual fetish stuff.” Now curiosity has gotten the better of us and we are dying to figure out what Nicole’s fetishes are. And by ‘figure out,’ I mean ‘come up with outlandish and sometimes hilarious suppositions loosely based on her career and personal life.’ Check out our theories after the jump.
- Australian Steez. Australian sex is just like American sex, but with better accents. It involves being put in a choke hold with a boomerang, to the nature sounds of the native kookaburra while a kangaroo watches. Generally in America, this is followed by a trip to Outback Steak House, for lack of a better alternative.
- Hierogamy Orgies. Just like in “Eyes Wide Shut,” this is the symbolic marriage between gods using creepy music and sexy men in Venetian masks. I bet there are hierogamy orgies all the time in Hollywood. Anonymous sex with their famous faces being obscured by masks? Sounds totally plausible.
- Period Costumes. When it’s time to get dirty, bring out the corsets and bonnets. There’s nothing that says ‘do me’ like a circle skirt and petticoat. And what’s the point of knocking boots if they aren’t from the 18th century? This maybe stems from homeovestism, or arousal from wearing clothing appropriate to one’s gender … combined with being a history enthusiast.
- Furries. If you haven’t seen Kidman in photographer Diane Arbus biopic “Fur,” rent it now, because watching her shave the wolfman hair off of Robert Downey Jr.‘s entire body remains the hottest thing I’ve ever seen in a movie. And I watch a lot of porn. If she can love a man that hairy and then wear a coat made of his fur, she’s totally down with the furries.
- Whips. Her perfect posture and properness make Kidman come off as an ice queen. So after vertically (and presumably horizontally) dominating Tom Cruise for ten years, she’s probably capable of taming a lion. In bed.
- Pedal Pumping. A fetish that consists of looking at a woman’s foot putting the pedal to the metal (see PedalPumping.org). There’s a reason she agreed to star in “Days of Thunder,” and then totally fell for Tom Cruise’s sexy, tiny foot pedal action.
- Bathing with Boys. Nicole got nakey with a 10-year-old boy who claimed to be the reincarnation of her dead husband in “Birth.” She was also meant to perform Winslet’s role in “The Reader” until she got preggers. Coincidence? I think not. She’s got a healthy appetite for bathing with boys … and perhaps some aquaphilia?
- Hybristophilia. Just like in her movie “Dead Calm,” where she succumbs to Billy Zane’s murderous appetite, Nicole might be turned on by dudes who’ve committed gruesome crimes. This would explain all the prison letters that she probably totally sent.
- Doing It On Boats. Her movie “Dead Calm” led to an orgasmic yacht experience. And according to Robbie Williams, they shared some sexy times on her yacht in the summer of 2004. Since she also vacayed with Tom Cruise on the Talitha G yacht, then bought her own, this lady probably likes doing it at sea.
- Midget Fetish. When she got divorced from Cruise, Kidman said, “Now I can wear heels!” But then she went and married another shorty, Keith Urban. Sure they’re not exactly little people, but they’re nearly four inches shorter than her. Something tells me she enjoys being skyscrapery.