Dear Wendy: “I Found A Pic Of A Penis On My Boyfriend’s Phone”TK

Last year I went to Italy for my best friend’s wedding and ended up sleeping with her husband’s best friend at the reception. I was sure I would never see him again, but he hunted me down the next night and ended up driving me to the airport for my next morning departure. We connected on Facebook and wrote emails to each other regularly. Then I decided to return to Italy for two months before moving back to my hometown after 17 years on the east coast. While I was living in Florence our love affair continued and intensified. When it came time for me to leave Italy, I cried uncontrollably all the way to my connection in Paris! When I got home I confessed my love for him via email. He responded that he also loved me but he wasn’t sure it was in the “same way.” In the year since then we email each other and he occasionally professes his love and how much he misses me which sends me reeling. He came to visit me in August and we spent almost three weeks together in Colorado and out east. I daydream about moving back to Italy just to see if he is The One. I can’t discern my feelings for him anymore. Am I in love with him or am I in love with our romantic unreal experience? How do I really know if I love this man? Please help I need it straight! — Lost in Amore

I recently started hooking up with this guy I went to college with. When we first started talking he mentioned that he would be relocating to a new city in a few months. Now he’s gone and I can’t figure out whether we should pursue this relationship or not. I really really like him a lot and he is everything I would want in a boyfriend. Except, he has mentioned that he feels like at one point or another one of us is going to decide we can no longer do the distance thing. He says that he really likes me but he hates that I live in NY. I feel like he might not have much faith in doing a long distance set-up. I’m definitely willing to put in the effort to make the relationship work, but I just really don’t want to get hurt. — Confused in NY

I’ll start this off by saying that at 22, I recently decided that I need a new perspective on my life and I’m moving to China in February. So of course now that I’ve decided I’m leaving the States I’ve met two really fun guys. I have told them of my intentions of leaving and I’ve been seeing both of them non-exclusively for the past three or so months. The first one I’ll call Devin I’d never consider marrying, and is a no-strings-attached FWB kind of situation at most (he has acknowledged this as well). If I can, I’d like to keep him around for the thrill of it. The second guy in question, Andrew, is definitely the marrying kind. We go hiking on the weekends and talk for hours on end every day. This is the kind of guy I could see myself with for an extended period of time and recently he has been hinting at a relationship. I would be head-over-heels if it was not for the fact that I know I’m leaving soon and a Beijing – New York long distance relationship doesn’t sound all that feasible to me, especially when I’m going to be gone for anywhere from 6 months to 4 years. What I can’t decide is if it’s really worth pursuing a relationship with Andrew or if I should break if off now before I run off to China and before one or both of us gets hurt and if I should just go about having fun with Devin for now? It seems cruel to start up with Andrew when I know that there will be an expiration date. Or am I getting way too ahead of myself? It has only been 3 months after all?… Thanks! — China Bound

Recently my 27 year old eldest son called me and asked “How did you know it was right to marry mom?” Yikes! I felt honored that he trusted me enough to ask that, but also that I was now completely beyond all of the advice contained in “Dr. Spock’s Baby and Child Care.” My first reply was that it simply was the absolutely obvious thing to do and he was old enough to be able to trust his gut. But this struck me as somewhat outdated. What was the obvious thing 30 years ago no longer is. Marriage now seems to be quite disconnected from starting a household, considering yourself in a permanent committed relationship for years, and even having and raising children. I am still pondering the answer to this big question. With marriage currently being considered such a completely optional act, how do you know that it is obviously the right thing to do with someone? — Outdated Dad