Tabloid Cheat Sheet: Fergie’s Cheating Husband? Gwyneth Dumped For Bosworth?

It’s hump day again, and while you might not be taking advantage of your opportunity to “hump” today, it’s safe to assume that the stars are busy enough for the rest of the population — at least if you think everything you read is true! Once again, we’ve hand-plucked the juiciest tabloid stories for your media consumption, so take it with several grains of salt, and eat it up!

  • Apparently, it’s official. Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift are for reals dating. According to OK!, Lautner told his friend, “We are in love,” and thinks that Swift is “one of the most beautiful girls he’s ever met.” Meanwhile, Swift has been chatting him up to her friends, telling them “what a great kisser he is, how hot his body is, how funny he is.” Hooray tabloids, it’s just what you wanted, an actual couple … hopefully!
  • Equally exciting, “Glee” has made it to ‘bloid land, and OK! is wondering if Cory Monteith and Lea Michele (or Finn Hudson and Rachel Berry) are more than friends. They’ve said nothing but kind things about each other and admit to being “good friends,” but neither will admit to being in a relationship. Cory offered a vague “There is hope” to the discussion. Wheee!
  • Now that Khloe Kardashian is married and honeymooned, of course it is time for children, because at the rate this relationship is going, they’ll have to procure one in four months max, right? Khloe says, “We definitely want a big family, Lamar keeps asking me when I want to start.” They’ve been married for a month. [OK! Magazine]

  • After rumors spread that Josh Duhamel had a one-night stand with a particularly annoying-looking stripper, he flew back home from his movie set to see his wife Fergie. The National Enquirer posted the original story in which the stripper said they’d “made love for a long time” and shared racy texts; also, she claims she was offered $20,000 for her story and passed a lie detector test. Josh denies the story. For now everyone believes him, including Fergie. After the story emerged, other women across the country apparently spoke up, claiming to have also hooked up with the actor. Bummertown.
  • Us Weekly promised the inside scoop on Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt’s “shocking fight.” Apparently Hilton kicked and hit Reinhardt for five minutes while he tried to defend himself and then she got in the front seat and continued hitting until Doug put her in a choke hold, trying to calm her. Though, according to Hilton’s rep, “There was never a choking incident. It never happened.” An insider says it has to do with jealousy — that Doug doesn’t like to share Paris’ attention — but they are still going strong.
  • Since Ashlee Simpson-Wentz got kicked off “Melrose Place,” her big sister has been playing dirty on Twitter, talking crap about the show: “Catching up on MP, Who writes this crap? I have had bad scripts to work with. But this?” Apparently, Jessica felt that “CW did nothing to quash rumors Ashlee was fired.” I’m afraid I agree with chicken of the sea girl. But the show’s worse than “Employee of the Month,” really? [Us Weekly]

  • The National Enquirer reports that Dr. Phil might only have three years to live due to health problems, like being overweight and having high blood sugar and his high-stress TV life. Some “expert” doctors have “added up the stressors…and unless he has more balance to it, he may live to only age 62.” But the biggest factor is that Dr. Phil’s father who was “an obese, binge-drinking alcoholic” died of heart disease at age 69. Must be nice to have someone around to tell you when you’ll die. Or not.
  • Jennifer Lopez is apparently worried about a “shocking private home video” leaking from her first husband, Ojani Noa, because it shows her “playing sex games and engaged in a nasty fight with her mother.” But who needs the video, when National Enquirer can give us a play-by-play of the movie, where J.Lo runs around in her underwear, pulls a Britney when she gets on a motorcycle sans panties, and then her mother yells at Jenny for breaking her promise of buying her a house. Her ex is also planning on making a satirical documentary called “How I Married Jennifer Lopez: The J.Lo and Ojani Noa Story.”
  • Penny Marshall from “Laverne and Shirley” is battling for her health, since tumors were discovered on her brain and liver. Though it isn’t known whether the tumors are cancerous yet, Penny had immediate surgery and is already back to her “feisty self.” According to a source, “She was cussing and asked for someone to light her a cigarette. She hasn’t lost her sense of humor.” Good luck Penny! [The National Enquirer]

  • In what should have been the People cover story (instead of Fergie and Josh), Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze Jr. introduce their baby Charlotte Grace Prinze to the world, this is only exciting because it’s the only good thing that came from that movie, “I Know What You Did Last Summer.” The couple has been married for seven years and are totally adorable to each other and to their new daughter. Both actors agree that they made the right decision waiting until their 30s to have children and they knew they were prepared. They should talk to the Kardashians, because, apparently, they’ve got it figured out.
  • People got an exclusive interview with Obama’s White House chef (there are nine total) and “food initiative coordinator,” Sam Kass, who works on school-lunch legislation, plants veggies in the gardens, and assists executive chef Cristeta Comerford. Kass has been working with the family for years as a personal chef; he says that the family eats “nothing fancy” but lean beef tacos and burgers, and the president “is a vegetable lover.” Kass also says Obama takes a different stance than previous presidents in the way he relates to his staff: “The domestic staff playing golf with the President, that’s unprecedented.”
  • Country singer Tim McGraw gets all dad-adorable for People and talks about how his wife Faith Hill and three daughters saved his life and forced him to give up rocking and boozing. McGraw admits he braids his daughter’s hair sometimes in the morning, would have kicked his own butt back in the day and … if his daughters wanted to go the showbiz route, he says, “I’d be supportive of anything they’d want to do. And preferably they would have a “Dr.” in front of their name.” [People]

  • Star went all out this week. Their cover story, “Brad and Angelina’s Dark Secrets,” reveals that the couple puts up a totally different front and, according to the author of “Brangelina Exposed,” which comes out Dec. 3, they’ve “successfully manipulated the public into believing a glamorous fairytale that bears little resemblance to the reality of the pair’s life together.” Between Brad’s pot smoking, drinking, and disappearing for hours a day and Angie’s ongoing lesbian affairs, “birdlike eating habits” and strict parenting, they’re butting heads regularly with fights often ending in Angie saying things like, “You’re just as miserable as Jen.”
  • Gwyneth Paltrow’s husband, Coldplay headman Chris Martin, was allegedly caught openly making out with Kate Bosworth (though his rep denies it) at a recent U2 concert, a source said: “At first I thought it might be Gwyneth, but when she came up for air, it was clear the woman was Kate!” Supposedly, the couple has been drifting apart for months and Chris has finally realized that “he’s a rock megastar and women throw themselves at him.” The couple has been living mostly separate lives recently since “she finds him immature. He finds her pretentious,” and apparently Gwyn is talking to a lawyer and recently blogged on GOOP, “A long term relationship between two people is an ever-evolving organism. Some stay the course, some fall, all stumble.”
  • Levi Johnston’s very public battle with Sarah Palin has heated up to the point that Johnston intends to bring Palin to court for keeping him from seeing his son, Trig Tripp. Johsnton says that Sarah refers to Trig, who has down syndrome as “retarded,” and referring to Levi’s “Playgirl” spread she said, “Those who would sell their body for money reflect a desperate need for attention,” to which Levi responded by re-posting her quote alongside a video of Palin’s bathing suit competition in the 1984 Miss Alaska pageant. I’m just impressed that he’s managed to stay in the news for a year longer than his relevancy served! [Star]