Ew, Your Cleavage Looks All Wrinkly

Hallelujah! We interrupt your moment of worrying about impending crow’s feet and forehead creases to distract you with yet another aging “ailment” that you need to start fixating on ASAP! Whether you’ve considered it or not, your cleavage has the potential to get old and crinkly, just like the rest of you! First on the menu — for all you mild cases out there — we’ve got a backwards-looking, cup-less bra (pictured) that promises to prevent those unfortunate chest creases you get while sleeping. Order La Decollette here immediately, because let’s face it: It’s a great holiday gift for you, your mom and grandma. But that’s not all! For more serious cleavage wrinkles, you’ll want to look into something a bit more permanent. New York City plastic surgeon Paul Lorenc must’ve noticed this pervasive issue amongst his female clients. So, handily, he invented a procedure for them to spend more money on that goes a little something like this: According to Allure’s blog, “he injects the area with a non-allergenic filler, such as Sculptra, which both erases the lines and promotes collagen production, making skin look younger over time.” Thanks be to Jesus. Just don’t get any kooky ideas and think Botox will do the trick: “Unfortunately, Lorenc says, ‘muscles have nothing to do with a breast lift. It’s about the elasticity of the skin and certain ligaments.’ What’s more, he warns that injecting the chest muscles is difficult and dangerous, since a misplaced needle could puncture a lung.” Jiminy Cricket! And to think we’d been erroneously treating our own breast wrinkles with Botulinum all along. [The Daily Express and Allure Daily Beauty Reporter]