What His Bedding Says About Him

The moment has finally come. After getting your required amount of gallantry and booze, you’re going home with the new guy. But what will his place look like? We all spend the most at-home time in the bedroom, especially on that sexy sorta night. So, just like his underwear style, his sheet set can be really telling. Is your man a full-fledged flannel softie, an Egyptian cotton king, or perhaps even a bold bed-in-a-bag kind of guy? Find out how he’s exposing himself, before you even take off his pants.1. Cotton/Poly Blend: No muss, no fuss. He doesn’t bother with things like thread count or your clitoris. He’s got better things to do, so he went to one place and grabbed the cheapest available option. Good enough! Hm, hope he doesn’t use that same shopping technique with women.

2. Print/Jacquard: He’s into design, his ex-GF picked them out, or they’re the spare house set his mom let him take. No matter the reason, they’re guaranteed to make you crack a knowing smile. Print sheets are flashy and fun. Ultimately, he isn’t afraid to put a little extra out there, so the sex should follow that same pattern.

3. Striped: Basically, they’re the pinstripe suit of bed linens. He wants to be a lux, classy kinda guy. He’s got collared shirts lined up in his closet and pants that need to be pressed. As for his bed, like his outfits, he wanted his sheets to stand out from the pack, to be a little different but not in a crazy way. He still wants to fall in line with society, but he wants to be the cream of the crop. And if the sheets are black or gray, he fantasizes about being a prohibition-era gangster. So, keep that in mind when picking out your own sexytime ensemble.

4. Bed In A Bag: This man doesn’t do things piecemeal — he just picked the colors and or pattern he liked best and did it all in one fell swoop. He’s not bothered by synthetics; he just cares about how things look. The man knows what he’s into and is willing to live with his snap decision. He likes what he likes, but he doesn’t get too attached to things. He gets what he needs when he needs it and figures he can always change later.

5. Egyptian Cotton: He knows a good thing when he touches it; he won’t just lie down and take anything! The high thread count is refined yet comfortable — total boyfriend material.

6. Satin: He’s a dandy, a wannabe pimp, or Elvis. On the upside, he must not be a sweaty beast in bed if he can maintain these sheets. But as flamboyant as he likes his bedroom is as kinky as he likes to feel. So, hope you’re not averse to sliding around and getting satin burns. After a silky night together, you might find him to be as slippery as his sheets.

7. Flannel: If there is a mountain, he will climb it, or at least he thinks he can. He’s not afraid to get his hands dirty — take that as you will. And although he’s totally not interested in being a coordinated metrosexual, he’s unwittingly got shirts to match his bedding. He’s just a practical, dependable dude.

8. Black: He wanted to perfect the dark and mysterious look for his bachelor pad, but didn’t realize (or is too inexperienced to know) that it shows the most, uh, dirty little secrets. Hmm, sounds like these sheets may make a great Christmas present for your man, if you’re suspicious …

9. White/Neutral: Captain basic doesn’t need gimmicks. He just gets what’s regular; nothing crazy is necessary. And hey, he might be as vanilla as his sheets, but at least he’s not a picky bastard. Plus, he gets bonus points if they’re white just for the highest of high thread counts or a woven pattern, and he manages to keep them squeaky clean.

10. Color: He has a favorite color he always picks or he actually tried to match his decor. Either way, color us blushing for this sensitive, thoughtful guy. Depending on what he picked, you can get a snippet of how he sees himself with those color associations you learned in your high school literature class. But even if he’s colorblind or bad at matching, he has an eye for personality and is particular, which always looks good to us.