“Kate: Her Story” Is Like A Televised Therapy Session

Last night, because “Kate Plus 8″ is in limbo thanks to a certain someone (JON! That’s you!), TLC decided to air a special called “Kate: Her Story,” featuring Kate Gosselin being interviewed by Natalie Morales. Morales failed to ask really important questions—like, “How do you feel about Heidi Montag being you for Halloween?”—and basically just gave Kate a forum to cry and smear her smoky eye makeup. Since you probably couldn’t stomach the idea of watching the whole thing (plus, you were busy watching the World Series), here are the choicest quotes from the hour-long special.On whether she brought this on herself:

“I put myself on a reality show, but I did not do anything that would put me in the tabloids … We did four seasons without paparazzi.”

On how she’s handling the divorce:

“I still think the phone will ring and it’ll be the old Jon.”

On whether she’s really a shrew:

“I was very hard on [Jon] and I would never deny that. I was wrong to treat him that way. Was it good, healthy and wonderful? No. Am I proud of those moments that were captured? No.”

On whether she regrets doing the show:

“Had we never done the show, it would have been me a nurse, him in I.T., and that would have gotten the better of us even sooner.”

On the rumor of her affair with a bodyguard:

“It’s so unthinkable to me that to have to think about it makes me sick … To have Jon fan that into this huge tabloid nightmare, it’s disgusting.”

On her paranoia:

“You look around and very close, trusted people who you swear on your life would never ever, ever cash you in, for lack of better words, and those people do that … When people leave your house and tell completely different stories, you tend not to trust people.”

On her childhood:

“I’m famous for telling my mom growing up, ‘Mom, five kids is too many, you lose something in the details.’ Ironic, yes, and she reminded me of that when I ended up with eight kids. She said, ‘Do you remember what you always told me?’”

[EW, MSNBC, PopEater]