I’m a sophomore in college and recently moved back to school two hours away from my home. I keep having dreams where I can’t find my mother, she gets lost, or in the worst cases, she dies. I’ve never had more real or painful dreams before. When she dies I collapse in my dream and am overcome with grief and tears. My crying is so real I wake up and continue to cry until I get a hold of myself and realize it was just a dream. I keep getting more and more paranoid that my dreams will get worse or are insight into something deeper. Help! – Mother Lover
Not only is your mother missing in your dreams but I’m also getting the feeling that you are missing her a lot. Not to worry though – I highly doubt these dreams are prophesies of anything awful happening to your mother. It sounds like you have a very close relationship with your mother and I think these dreams are nothing more than a representation of how much you’re missing her since you moved back to school. Not only are you two hours away and living on your own — well, at least away from home — you are at the stage in your life when your relationship with your mother will begin to naturally change from mother/child to mother/adult. She’ll always be your mother, yes, but what seems to be overwhelming you emotionally is the fear that your relationship will change. The truth is, it will have to change a bit in order for you to become your own woman. But that may not be all that is worrying you. An equally scary thought is the realization that you are no longer a child and it’s time to become an adult. And again, that’s certainly true. All of these changes are heavy ones to process.
You are mourning the loss of your childhood and your childhood relationship with your mom almost like they are deaths. While the emotions that you’re feeling are totally natural and healthy, these dreams are a call to action to begin to face these changes in your waking life. You might need to spend some time allowing yourself to feel the fear and sadness. If it feels comfortable, perhaps you can talk to your mom or even close friends or family members about some of the sadness and fear you are experiencing. But the initial sadness will eventually fade away and be replaced by joy. Because becoming an adult does not mean losing yourself or even your mother – just growing into a new self and having a new relationship with your mother. And self-growth is always so much more satisfying when tackled with confidence and optimism.
A word of advice: Growing up means redefining your relationship with your mother and yourself. Find a way to feel connected to your mother and express your love for her while still moving on your own path as an adult, and I think that will be the end of your nighttime tears.
Have you had any crazy dreams lately? Dying to know what their hidden meaning is? No need to rush to your therapist’s office. The Dreamweaver is here to help. Email me your funniest, weirdest, wildest, and wackiest dreams and I’ll tell you what’s going on.