Dear Wendy: TK
I’ve been friends with my buddy “Zac” for three years now. When I first met Zac I had a huge crush on him, but he let me know he didn’t feel the same and the feeling eventually went away. We’ve been on good terms since then, and recently we decided to become f*** buddies. Things have been going alright, and we really haven’t been experiencing any of the usual problems associated with the f*** buddy situation. It’s been going on for about a month, and aside from the pre-sex flirting and post-sex cuddling we don’t have any other intimate interactions.
The thing is, I sometimes want a more intimate relationship. I feel like I can honestly tell him anything and everything. He’s one of the first people I go to when I have a problem, and I’ve helped him through his fair share of ordeals. We’re always laughing when we’re together, and he’s just a great guy all around. I sometimes feel the urge to just hug him or kiss him or the want to be held by him, and I find I look forward to the times we get to be alone together, even if we’re just watching tv and doing homework (we’re roommates too – easy booty call). I’ve started having daydreams about him, and I know it’s a bad move but I feel myself slipping back into the old crush habit.
He’s always given very mixed signals to me, one of the things that led to problems between us earlier in our friendship when I wanted things to move in a more steady direction with him but he turned me down. He’s started giving me these signals again, and the sex isn’t helping. Our level of sexual chemistry is extremely high, and we’re so close on a friendship level that I feel like I almost want more. He gives me friendship and intimacy, but what I really crave is romantic love and I feel like I’m missing out becuase our relationship is nothing more than sex and camaraderie. I want to know what he’s really feeling when he holds me after sex, but I’m afraid bringing anything along “those” lines up could ruin, at best, our sex life, and at worst, our friendship.
So, a few questions: What should I do about it? Should I bring up the topic of my confused feelings? Am I being naive in thinking and hoping that a sex buddy could turn into something more? I don’t know whether to bring it up and risk ruining what we already share, let it go and keep heading down this path, or cutting it off before I get my heart broken. I know the f*** buddy situation can’t last forever, and I’m dreading the day it ends and the consequences that will come from it (jealousy, hurt feelings, etc.).