• Sex

30 Things Women Think About During Sex

Women try to stay focused during sex. We really do! Some nights our minds wander to more mundane things in life; other nights we get a little existential. Can you really blame us for not being fully present every second? We’re busy women with work, friends, a softball league, and seven seasons of The West Wing to watch! After the jump, 30 things women think about during sex … you know, other than how your big boy is rocking our world right now.

  1. I wonder who is on “The Daily Show” tonight?
  2. I can’t do this with my dog watching.
  3. Yes! Yes! Yes! Right there!
  4. Ow! Slow the hell down! What the hell are you doing?
  5. It’s cold in here.
  6. What am I going to wear tomorrow?
  7. I should not have had so much to drink.
  8. Did he hear me just queef?
  9. Ugh, I hate condoms.
  10. Was I wearing lipstick? Is there red lipstick all over everything? F**k, there’s probably red lipstick all over everything.
  11. His roommate totally heard that.
  12. That’s not the clitoris, darlin’.
  13. This reminds me of that time I slept with Brian …
  14. Was it really necessary to wipe the excess lube on your hands on the pillowcase where I was going to lay my head?
  15. Crap, I have to wash some laundry.
  16. I wonder if this makes me your girlfriend?
  17. I’m Belle from “Secret Diary Of A Call Girl,” you’re one of my clients, we’re in a lush luxury hotel, we just sipped the finest champagne and now I’ve shown you my thigh-highs …
  18. Do I look cute from this position?
  19. Maybe I should use my vibrator. Would that freak him out?
  20. I hope he does that thing again where he …
  21. Do I even know this guy’s middle name?
  22. I wonder if I can have more earth-shattering orgasms than this?
  23. God, why hasn’t he come yet? I’m bored.
  24. I remembered to take the Pill this morning, right?
  25. Wow, $78 spent at Victoria’s Secret and it’s in a pile on the floor in less than 60 seconds.
  26. Is that my G-spot? Is that my G-spot?
  27. I hope we can get this over with so I can go to sleep.
  28. Hey, you didn’t pay for dinner and I still f**ked you.
  29. You have a completely ridiculous O-face.
  30. I’m cooooooooooming!
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